Mean Streets & Meaner Work Places

Sexual Harassment on the streets of Male and public and government workplaces have reached an alarming high level. How far will it be allowed to go?

Harassment is so common in the Maldives it has become a way of life for some women. A recent survey reveals the extremes of harassment levels in the Maldives. One can safely say that every single woman in the country must have had to suffer some type of harassment throughout their lives.

It can happen at any age from 8 to 50 year olds. What is most disturbing though is women suffer this and do nothing about it. With no consequences for this type of behavior, it is most obviously on the rise. Maybe it’s time women realized that they do not have to suffer. It is not normal for strange men to abuse you in any way, verbal or physical, and there should be consequences for this type of behavior. No more shying away from confrontations from such offenders. Women definitely have the power to do something about this and let people know that this is not tolerated anymore.

Sexual Harassment 101

To avoid it and stay safe, one needs to learn what it is first. Sexual harassment is any unwanted and unwelcome behavior, or attention, of a sexual nature that interferes with your life. Sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, making suggestive or demeaning comments; displaying sexual objects or pictures; telling dirty jokes; or touching, patting, or pinching and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature which is offensive all constitute to sexual harassment. The behavior may be direct or implied.

The most common type of harassment happens on the roads and in public places in the Maldives. Women walking alone are the main targets. Sometimes it amounts to sexual assault some victims can be physically hurt when a man rushes past and grabs at their breasts or pinch their bodies.

“Sometimes it is difficult to walk two blocks without someone either grabbing your behind or coming at you to get a feel of your chest. It is not possible to always tag your husband or boyfriend wherever you go. It’s like an open invitation to some men who roam the roads when you walk alone. I have confronted and sometimes had to hurt these men who grab me and given them a piece of my mind. Walking around with a scowl on your face that makes you look as menacing as possible has worked for me most of the time, but not always .” says Maria, a 25 year old who has to walk to office alone everyday as her husband works at the airport.

Some men try to justify this by saying that it is a woman’s fault for being so scantily clad. There were several such replies, almost all of them from males, to an article on Haveeru website regarding the issue. However, this is clearly not true as women decently dressed women and even women wearing the burka get harassed just as much as women who are scantily clad. Such claims are just plain ridiculous.

Men do not differentiate and any woman who walks alone and looks vulnerable are potential victims. Most of the time, women are led to believe that they deserve to be harassed. No one deserves to be harassed and if it is a recurring thing you need to address the issue and take steps to stop it immediately. Psychologists and social workers report that severe and chronic sexual harassment has the same psychological effects on victims as rape or sexual assault.

In India, eve teasing, which is the Indian term for street harassment, has led to many suicides in some parts and they have had to deal with this by sending out the police to catch these perpetrators and bring them to justice. Most of the time harassment leads to sexual assault. It is a serious issue and not one to be taken lightly.

With out growing women workforce, women also need to be aware of sexual harassment in the work place. It is any unwelcome sexual advance or conducts from either your boss or office mates that can make the workplace intimidating or hostile; an employer who requires you to perform a sexual activity in order to keep your job or to receive a promotion.

Below are some forms of harassment that might occur in workplaces.

Whistling or lewd gestures;
Deliberate bumping or leaning against;
Comments about your body;
Sexual notes, phone mail messages, graffiti, or gossip about you;
Inappropriate touching or grabbing of clothing;
Demands for dates or sexual acts, and/or threats if you do not comply with the demands;
Harassment through the Internet or phone system;
Sending or leaving you pornographic material; and
Exposure or cornering.

Since this is a matter that differs for each person, it is hard to pinpoint exactly how this might happen for a specific person. Sometimes people hesitate as they are faced with difficulty accepting and understanding that the harassment is occurring. Most victims do not even report this or talk about it to anyone as they might experience isolation from friends and family or people around them as they might not be able to grasp the victim’s feelings. Most people suffer and try to move on, however hard it is. Sometimes people quit their jobs to end such harassment or take different routes to avoid such situations. Perhaps a self defense class or basics of self defense is something women need to be taught. Perhaps this could also remedy the situation somewhat as women shall be more able to deal with such confrontations this way.

“Many specific factors can underlie the uncertainty in identifying, and accepting, what a sexual harassment victim has been experiencing. You may be struggling with:

• Confusion --you don't know how to describe to yourself what has been happening
•Embarrassment -- you may feel embarrassed by the experience
• Victim-blaming -- Others may be blaming you for what has happened, and the
"victim" may now have become the "accused." As in the case of sexual assault and rape, the dress, lifestyle and private life of the victim seem to become more
important than the behavior being investigated.
• Guilt -- you may feel guilt over what has happened, or be blaming yourself.
• Shame -- you feel ashamed of what has been happening; you may not want to
accept the idea that you are a victim, or feel you should be able to stop the
harassment
• Denial – you don't want to believe that this is real; those around you may not want to believe this, either.
• Minimizing – you tell yourself it's "not that big a deal," I'm being overly sensitive" or "I'm being a prude." You may be hearing this from others.
• Fear – you are afraid of retaliation by your harassers or harasser's colleagues, your
coworkers, or people further-up in the hierarchy at work or school. You may fear
being isolated or ostracized by people at work or school. You may be afraid you will get the harasser in trouble when all you want is the behavior to stop.
• Adaptation -- the abuse may have been going on for a long time, and the targets
may feel that nothing can be done. Or, you have been told throughout your life that you should expect to be treated this way, and to "deal with it" silently.
• Numbing -- You want to distance yourself emotionally from the experience; you may also avoid people and places that remind you of these painful events.
• Triggers -- you may feel that talking about what happened causes too much pain
and/or anxiety, or what is happening in the present could be triggering past
experiences with assault or abuse.
• Invalidation -- you feel that no one will believe you if you were to report what is happening.
• Defamation -- your motives or character may be under attack, with people saying
things to discredit you.”
Source: http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/

Sexual harassment needs to be dealt with soon, and more urgently if it is a recurring thing. Most victims think that given time, it will stop. However, in most cases it continues. To make it stop, you need to get the message across to the harasser that their attention is unwanted, or have someone that is trusted, do this for you. If it is happening at the work place, you need to talk to your Human Resources office and figure it out or talk to your employer about it. Whichever way you choose to deal with harassment, be firm and direct with it.

• Tell the harasser what they have done--name the behavior. Be specific, straightforward, and blunt.
• Demand that the harassment stop.
• Don't make excuses for the harasser--hold them accountable. Do not pretend nothing has happened.
• Make it clear that everyone has the right to be free from sexual harassment. Objecting to harassment is a matter of principle.
• Stand your ground and stick to your own agenda. Don't respond to the harasser's excuses or diversionary tactics. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by others into backing down.
• Remember, the harasser's behavior is the issue--not your behavior.
• Reinforce your statements with strong, self-respecting body language: eye contact, head up, shoulders back, a strong, serious stance. Don't smile. Timid, submissive body language will undermine your message. If the harassment continues, repeat yourself if you have to.
• Respond at the appropriate level. If the harassment was physical, combine your verbal response with a physical one (i.e. grasp their arm firmly while saying "No!")
• Talk about the harassment to others. Staying silent protects harassers.
• Maldivian women need to learn to face these harassers and confront them. Otherwise this situation will just continue to get worse. The more women ignore this means the more it will keep happening. The perpetrators goes onto sexually harass more victims if he is not challenged by anyone.
• Although Maldives does not have specific laws regarding this yet, we are badly in need of such a law to control this situation. However, if the sexual harassment is in any way interfering with your ability to live a normal life, you need to make a formal complaint to the concerned authorities.

NOTE: Although this article deals with sexual harassment of women by men, note that it happens the other way around too.