29 August 2006
We all have dreams and aims. Everyone of us needs to have jobs in order to pursue our dreams, if we are lucky, we get our dream jobs. But in our wildest dreams, we never imagine that our own boss or employer could actually come to be the problem at our dream job. Sadly, this is a most common thing here in the Maldives and probably elsewhere in the world as well. However, focusing on Maldives let me tell you about some nightmarish bosses or employers some people have had the misfortune of having.
A friend of mine did her degree and diploma and was searching frantically for a job since she was almost always over qualified for all the positions she had applied for. However, her break came when a well known travel company invited her to join their prestigious company.
Impressed, since it was a pretty famous company, and joyous, at finally getting a job, she went off to work for the company. Little did she know the reputation of her boss since she had been studying abroad for almost four years. After working there for a couple of weeks, her boss asked her in for a meeting that was after her actual working hours.
Thinking nothing of it, she went in and found that she was the only one he was meeting on this particular night. Let’s just say that he made some advances and she right out refused and almost slapped her boss and walked out of the meeting. It seems that since she was the new meat in office, he just wanted to see if she was easy as the rest of the female staff working there.
After discussing her dilemma with some of her other workmates, she came to realize that it was quite common for these ‘meetings’ to go on in his office and if the person actually granted his wishes, one could be the next one joining him on his many trips to other parts of the country. My friend did not want anything to do with this place and quit immediately.
This is not the only type of employers you meet at work. At least she was over qualified for the job she was hired for. But not in the case of Naila who was employed after an interview with a director of a company. She was hired simply because she was ‘fair’ and ‘easy on the eyes’ according to the director. Since she was quite desperate at the moment, as everyone knows how difficult it is to find a job these days, she thought she would work there till she could find another better job.
Alas, it was not to be! One day, she walked in on the said boss going through some pictures of hers. Being a headstrong woman, she walked in and demanded that he delete all her pictures from his computer. Apparently, the director had recently bought a camera phone and was collecting her pictures according to the day of the week and he had collected all her pictures for every week since she had been hired! She decided to speak to the other directors there and this other director, who turned out to be the human resources guy, was fired immediately.
In the case of Shaila, she actually did not have to work since she was hired. She was bored at work since her boss thought of her more as part of the decoration and decided to do everything for her. Now as flattering as this might be, Shaila decided to quit after just two weeks since the boredom was killing her and she did not think she deserved the money he was paying her to just sit at a desk in his office, since her boss had asked her not to associate at all with the other two female employees in the office.
I notice I have mentioned only females, but sometimes, there are male employees who have to suffer as well. Ahmed was employed at a well known company as a Purchasing Officer. He was to find out later that this also meant the purchasing of his personal groceries and anything else his boss was asked to buy, by his wife. It might be ok if this happened only once, but it came to the point where Ahmed realized he was actually a sort of ‘housemaid’ for his boss without getting paid for the extra hours he had to put in to finish his boss’ grocery list and other personal affects.
Now, if you are just newly coming into the working environment, take this as a warning. One might think that this is quite rare and this happens to only few people due to how they behave or due to the sort of job they have. But this could happen to anyone, anywhere. It doesn’t depend on the sort of job you have, it depends on what type of boss you might have. It is always good to check out the background of a company and the possible employers before actually applying for jobs.
Perhaps this is how the working environment has been since the beginning of time; otherwise, there won’t be so many boss jokes making the rounds right?
Note: All names are changed; however, all the mentioned nightmare bosses are 100% real!
Thursday, 21 June 2007
El Stinko!
29 August 2006
“When you swap shirts at the end of the match you expect it to smell bad. But Beck’s smelt really nice.” Ronaldo
You could be anywhere, minding your own business and innocently smelling fresh air, well as fresh as it gets in Male, when it hits you. Everyone has come across this, at different places. It could strike when least expected and you never know what hits you. But it leaves a long lasting smell of BO behind. Watch out! It’s the new breed of people who do not believe in using anything artificial to make themselves smell good. Au naturel! Perhaps what these people have not realized is that the dark ages are gone and it is not an aphrodisiac anymore. Perhaps Tarzan might be turned on by this smell, but we normal humans could live without it! Just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there!
Studies and so many resources are being spent on the study of smells and the production of good smelling products. People have dedicated their whole lives to this one particular sense, the sense of smell. Yet, it is amazing how we still come across such stinky people in our daily lives. Scientists report that the ability to smell depends on the person’s state of mental and physical health, with some very healthy 80-year-olds having the same olfactory prowess as young adults. Women consistently out-perform men on all tests of smelling ability.
Smoking is believed to reduce the sensitivity to smell. This might explain why most smokers stink. Studies have shown that schizophrenics, depressives, migraine sufferers and very-low-weight anorexics often experience olfactory deficits or dysfunctions; meaning that their sense of smell does not work well. But I think that the people who refuse to use a deodorant actually know they do stink and perhaps have grown immune to their own BO and we have just not grown immune to it yet.
With all the good smelling stuff around, I cannot imagine why anyone would prefer not to wear something to smell good. Every single thing on sale smells of something and mostly its good smells. Then why do people still refuse to wear any kind of perfume and opt to go out into public smelling like you haven’t taken a shower in ages? Now, this simply doesn’t mean that it’s just the people who have not taken a shower that smell this bad. It’s sad but unfortunately and quite unbelievably, I have come across young people who seem to be wearing their evening best and whatnot and once they pass you by, don’t take a deep breath for surely you would gag! It’s so terrible that I am at a loss for words to describe this particular stink!
The places where most people congregate, for example, like the school areas. All the parents are there, some come in cars, others wait in the hot sun, pressed up against each other in their hurry to get their children out of the crowd and move on. Now this is a place where every parent who shows up knows that a lot of other people are going to be within smelling distance of each other, or perhaps possible within distance of leaving a smell on someone else too. Any parent, who tries to smell good when going out in public, will know what I am talking about.
Shafiya, a parent who has to go quite frequently to fetch her kid to and from school, has to suffer the smell and usually takes a shower right after she gets home. She says ‘I know that most parents are very busy and all, even I am busy, but I still make an effort not to smell like I just poured a bowl of Garudhiya over my head before I go to fetch my child. It’s horrible enough that it is in the hot sun, but people should at least be considerate enough of the people around her. ‘
Strangely enough, the prices of beauty products are so low! And ironically you come across stinky salespeople who are actually selling perfumes and deodorants. It’s very common in some shops, perhaps they do not have set rules for this type of things, but I think there should be. If you are to wait near while a stinky person reaches up for something from a higher shelf, well, phew! Best of luck to you on breathing ever again!
It’s not just the body that stinks. I once had a cable guy come into my air-conditioned sitting room and I had to turn it off and open all the doors since his socks stank so much I thought I would throw up. He was there to fix my cable TV, so naturally he had to be there for some time. I wonder if he had heard of a thing called foot deodorant. Or even changing socks everyday or anything, just to make sure he does not stink up every place he goes to!
There are suggestions that smell can influence mood, memory, emotions and mate choice. Since smells play such an important part in our lives, wouldn’t you want to smell good whenever you step out of the house? It is such an easy thing to do. Simply spend a bit of your monthly income on a deodorant; a roll-on is always a good choice and keep a spray deodorant as well. Colognes are good as well. So many types of nice smelling products to choose from in all the shops. It is also important to take a good shower with a lot of scrubbing as simply spraying on perfume does not help if you already stink. There are products to make our laundry smell good as well as when ironing. Basically, you could smell good, your clothes could smell good and you can make them smell good! So why not invest some of your time and money into this. Who knows how many potential customers, clients, lovers or friends you have already scared off with your smell?
“When you swap shirts at the end of the match you expect it to smell bad. But Beck’s smelt really nice.” Ronaldo
You could be anywhere, minding your own business and innocently smelling fresh air, well as fresh as it gets in Male, when it hits you. Everyone has come across this, at different places. It could strike when least expected and you never know what hits you. But it leaves a long lasting smell of BO behind. Watch out! It’s the new breed of people who do not believe in using anything artificial to make themselves smell good. Au naturel! Perhaps what these people have not realized is that the dark ages are gone and it is not an aphrodisiac anymore. Perhaps Tarzan might be turned on by this smell, but we normal humans could live without it! Just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there!
Studies and so many resources are being spent on the study of smells and the production of good smelling products. People have dedicated their whole lives to this one particular sense, the sense of smell. Yet, it is amazing how we still come across such stinky people in our daily lives. Scientists report that the ability to smell depends on the person’s state of mental and physical health, with some very healthy 80-year-olds having the same olfactory prowess as young adults. Women consistently out-perform men on all tests of smelling ability.
Smoking is believed to reduce the sensitivity to smell. This might explain why most smokers stink. Studies have shown that schizophrenics, depressives, migraine sufferers and very-low-weight anorexics often experience olfactory deficits or dysfunctions; meaning that their sense of smell does not work well. But I think that the people who refuse to use a deodorant actually know they do stink and perhaps have grown immune to their own BO and we have just not grown immune to it yet.
With all the good smelling stuff around, I cannot imagine why anyone would prefer not to wear something to smell good. Every single thing on sale smells of something and mostly its good smells. Then why do people still refuse to wear any kind of perfume and opt to go out into public smelling like you haven’t taken a shower in ages? Now, this simply doesn’t mean that it’s just the people who have not taken a shower that smell this bad. It’s sad but unfortunately and quite unbelievably, I have come across young people who seem to be wearing their evening best and whatnot and once they pass you by, don’t take a deep breath for surely you would gag! It’s so terrible that I am at a loss for words to describe this particular stink!
The places where most people congregate, for example, like the school areas. All the parents are there, some come in cars, others wait in the hot sun, pressed up against each other in their hurry to get their children out of the crowd and move on. Now this is a place where every parent who shows up knows that a lot of other people are going to be within smelling distance of each other, or perhaps possible within distance of leaving a smell on someone else too. Any parent, who tries to smell good when going out in public, will know what I am talking about.
Shafiya, a parent who has to go quite frequently to fetch her kid to and from school, has to suffer the smell and usually takes a shower right after she gets home. She says ‘I know that most parents are very busy and all, even I am busy, but I still make an effort not to smell like I just poured a bowl of Garudhiya over my head before I go to fetch my child. It’s horrible enough that it is in the hot sun, but people should at least be considerate enough of the people around her. ‘
Strangely enough, the prices of beauty products are so low! And ironically you come across stinky salespeople who are actually selling perfumes and deodorants. It’s very common in some shops, perhaps they do not have set rules for this type of things, but I think there should be. If you are to wait near while a stinky person reaches up for something from a higher shelf, well, phew! Best of luck to you on breathing ever again!
It’s not just the body that stinks. I once had a cable guy come into my air-conditioned sitting room and I had to turn it off and open all the doors since his socks stank so much I thought I would throw up. He was there to fix my cable TV, so naturally he had to be there for some time. I wonder if he had heard of a thing called foot deodorant. Or even changing socks everyday or anything, just to make sure he does not stink up every place he goes to!
There are suggestions that smell can influence mood, memory, emotions and mate choice. Since smells play such an important part in our lives, wouldn’t you want to smell good whenever you step out of the house? It is such an easy thing to do. Simply spend a bit of your monthly income on a deodorant; a roll-on is always a good choice and keep a spray deodorant as well. Colognes are good as well. So many types of nice smelling products to choose from in all the shops. It is also important to take a good shower with a lot of scrubbing as simply spraying on perfume does not help if you already stink. There are products to make our laundry smell good as well as when ironing. Basically, you could smell good, your clothes could smell good and you can make them smell good! So why not invest some of your time and money into this. Who knows how many potential customers, clients, lovers or friends you have already scared off with your smell?
The holy month...musings
"Fast to be healthy," had said the Prophet (s.a.w.).
I was just thinking about Ramazan and wanted to see what it was really all about. I googled a bit and these are what I found out about it. Since it is said to be healthy, how come most of us gain weight instead of losing any? It is said to be a test of our endurance levels yet, we come across more people without any tolerance for others. The purpose of the whole month sometimes seems lost on everyone. What is the holy month of Ramazan really about?
Ramazan. That nice time of year when the amount of everyone's belief is heightened and more people end up going to the mosque, resulting in people praying on the roads. It's just like the Friday prayers. More people turn up for this prayer than any other. Everyone talks about it. All the roads empty out during the Magrib prayers when everyone goes to break their fast and pray.
While fasting and going hungry shortens our tempers and makes us less reasonable, it is the strength to over come such weakness that really counts. It is a test of our true faith and belief in our selves as well. It is about keeping ones ego in check and becoming a holistic person with a healthy self image and having a positive outlook on life. If we were to fast without praying a single prayer, there is really no need for us to be fasting. On the other hand, if we were fasting and praying yet, did not give a second thought about others and be inconsiderate and mean, there really is no purpose to your fast. It is meaningless since the whole aspect of it is lost apparently.
Ramazan is the month of fasting, intensive prayer, sacrifice and Divine worship. It is most important to remember this. However, most of us think of this month as a month where we come up with new recipes. More food is wasted in the month of Ramazan every year than any other month here in theMaldives
For Maldivians, it is a time to show off their new expensive 'toys'. Everyone who can afford to, gets rid of their old car or motorcycle at cheap prices in their hurry to get a new, cool and flashier model for this month. It is a time for racing in the late evenings and into the night. The number of accidents alleviate during this month as more people take to the streets in style and with speed.
Perhaps it is a little known fact among most Maldivians but during Eid, it is tradition among most Muslim countries to give gifts to each other. It is a symbol of peace, friendship and brotherhood. However, this is not very commonly practiced among us. The more commonly used word 'Eid-Milan', literally means, 'embracing and celebrating together'. How come we don't celebrate in this way?
More people tend to recite the Qur’an during the nights said to be Lailathul Gadhri, however, there must a divine reason for the concealment of this date. Maybe it is for this very purpose. Should we do more on these nights alone? In some households no one is allowed to do anything other than recite the quran and pray on these certain nights, but is that how it should be?
The revelations of the Holy Qur'an commenced in this holy month. It is truly a holy month as many epic events in the Islamic history took place during this month. However, it does not mean that we are supposed to pray and be obedient servants of God only during this month. It is perhaps practice for everyone, to live like this, every month of the year.
I was just thinking about Ramazan and wanted to see what it was really all about. I googled a bit and these are what I found out about it. Since it is said to be healthy, how come most of us gain weight instead of losing any? It is said to be a test of our endurance levels yet, we come across more people without any tolerance for others. The purpose of the whole month sometimes seems lost on everyone. What is the holy month of Ramazan really about?
Ramazan. That nice time of year when the amount of everyone's belief is heightened and more people end up going to the mosque, resulting in people praying on the roads. It's just like the Friday prayers. More people turn up for this prayer than any other. Everyone talks about it. All the roads empty out during the Magrib prayers when everyone goes to break their fast and pray.
While fasting and going hungry shortens our tempers and makes us less reasonable, it is the strength to over come such weakness that really counts. It is a test of our true faith and belief in our selves as well. It is about keeping ones ego in check and becoming a holistic person with a healthy self image and having a positive outlook on life. If we were to fast without praying a single prayer, there is really no need for us to be fasting. On the other hand, if we were fasting and praying yet, did not give a second thought about others and be inconsiderate and mean, there really is no purpose to your fast. It is meaningless since the whole aspect of it is lost apparently.
Ramazan is the month of fasting, intensive prayer, sacrifice and Divine worship. It is most important to remember this. However, most of us think of this month as a month where we come up with new recipes. More food is wasted in the month of Ramazan every year than any other month here in the
For Maldivians, it is a time to show off their new expensive 'toys'. Everyone who can afford to, gets rid of their old car or motorcycle at cheap prices in their hurry to get a new, cool and flashier model for this month. It is a time for racing in the late evenings and into the night. The number of accidents alleviate during this month as more people take to the streets in style and with speed.
Perhaps it is a little known fact among most Maldivians but during Eid, it is tradition among most Muslim countries to give gifts to each other. It is a symbol of peace, friendship and brotherhood. However, this is not very commonly practiced among us. The more commonly used word 'Eid-Milan', literally means, 'embracing and celebrating together'. How come we don't celebrate in this way?
More people tend to recite the Qur’an during the nights said to be Lailathul Gadhri, however, there must a divine reason for the concealment of this date. Maybe it is for this very purpose. Should we do more on these nights alone? In some households no one is allowed to do anything other than recite the quran and pray on these certain nights, but is that how it should be?
The revelations of the Holy Qur'an commenced in this holy month. It is truly a holy month as many epic events in the Islamic history took place during this month. However, it does not mean that we are supposed to pray and be obedient servants of God only during this month. It is perhaps practice for everyone, to live like this, every month of the year.
Don't Demand Respect, Earn It
25 July 2006
When did the Maldivian culture evolve into such an environment where love, respect and caring are seen as traits to be ridiculed?
Remember the days when love was the reason you got into a relationship? A time when people used to respect each other and care for each other; wanted relationships to end up in marriage? Times when courting periods were shorter and marriages lasted longer? When people wrote sweet poetry on leafs, or on the ‘fanvaiy’ of houses for each other in much earlier times? Maybe some of us do but most of the people these days have no clue what it is all about.
People no longer believe in love at first sight; now it’s lust at first sight. People do not have relationships, instead there are flings and affairs which everyone wants to forget and get over to the next conquest as soon as possible. Men want to add to their little black book or their mobile phonebook. Women are more sexual than ever before. We see everything from scantily clad women to the “buruga” clad women. It doesn’t matter how they are dressed or which sex they are, anyone could be having an affair outside marriage or with a married person. Some prefer their careers over relationships unless it just happens. However, what I want to know is, when did we stop respecting each other?
In a recent conversation with some male office mates, it became apparent that they did not think much of women. For them, there were the pretty girls, meaning the women who had no qualms about revealing all and no inhibitions at all and then there were the ‘foni’ women, the ones who actually had some kind of respect for themselves, whom they believed were either hiding something, or needed some kind of a lesson to be taught by a man. They thought more about which one they could easily ‘get’ and some men even go so far as to claim that women these days are so easy, they could have their pick of them. People are dating on dares or bets.
It’s the same for women. They don’t think much of Maldivian men either. In fact, women have relationships online with total strangers out of the country rather than socialize locally and meet someone face to face. Of course, there are the women who are dating around and trying to find someone to settle on or not, and these are the women who usually get no respect from anyone. They are deemed to be easy and the ‘havaru thunfohi’ or something similar. Everyone it seems is very misunderstood in their own way. No shy innocents anymore, everyone is jaded. How and why did this happen and when did it come about?
Perhaps it could have begun when people started having all this freedom for themselves, to do whatever they want and whenever they want. Of course, this isn’t such a bad thing in some ways. There is a saying somewhere that feminism was created by men just so that men could take advantage of it. There could be some truth to that. When a woman dates around, she becomes a ‘badi’ instantly, whilst a man could date around and be looking for the right one. That’s acceptable and good. What’s up with that?
Married men are having affairs with young girls half their age. Both are actually to blame in this, however, usually the women are blamed more than the men. The wives would think it’s the other woman’s fault for stealing their husband. What about the husband who doesn’t seem to care much for the sacred vow he took when marrying? Granted our religion allows a man to have more than one wife but if we are blaming someone why is it just the woman you should take it? How come he doesn’t get the blame for going to the other woman? Men and women are to be blamed equally for these.
We are losing respect for each other and slowly losing faith, and trust is something which does not come easily to us anymore. How could we trust someone with such things constantly happening all around us? It’s only natural that this should happen. This is what our young population is seeing and believing and growing up in, this atmosphere of lies and deception. Respect is something that needs to be instilled in people at a young age or even later for it to be of any benefit to that person. This is simply not happening here anymore, in our society of affairs and broken families and children who grow up without proper care. What is going wrong with our society and why is this happening? I have no definite answers yet for these questions and I doubt anyone does.
Recently, a friend of mine decided to get a divorce for the umpteenth time after her husband continuously kept cheating on her with different women. Every time, she forgives him and gives him one more chance as they have been married for 15 years with three kids. Yet, she is being woken up almost every other night to the sound of phone calls to his mobile from a woman who claims to be ‘just a friend’ at two in the morning and SMSs proclaiming undying love for the husband. Her husband flat out refuses to acknowledge that there is anything going on, even when she catches him with other women occasionally. She still wants to give it a go as is the case with many single mothers here in the Maldives; it is not possible to raise three children alone without a lot of financial help from the father.
In this case as well, the husband, if he respected and cared for the wife, would not have done anything to hurt her or his children. It is not as if she had done anything either, as she is a stay at home mother who gets no free time between taking care of the children and her husband.
According to Family Court Law fathers are ordered to pay the set sum to the Court and the mothers who have custody of the children to collect their dues from the Court. Where fathers repeatedly fail to make Court-ordered child-support, they are penalized by being jailed for a period of 15 days. What good is that? It just makes things worse.
Also our family courts have not come up with a foolproof system for this type of situation and many a single mother with children are either trying to get by without the promised money from the divorced father, or trying to earn a living while raising the children. The laws concerning these needs to be revised as the amount that the father is to pay for the children’s upbringing is just not enough in this day and age. The costs of living expenses are high and a single mother without a job has to struggle with the measly amount that could come or not each month.
Simply filing for divorce does not give respite to the troubled wife either. Our courts would not give a divorce easy as it should be, especially when children are put into the equation and would give due ‘naseyhah’ or advice to both parties and ask them to try once again. I understand that this is done in an effort to bring down the divorce rate in Maldives, as we have already made it into world record books for having the highest divorce rates but this is getting ridiculous. Putting individuals concerned into such difficult situations, without any help or hope of getting to a happier solution, just to bring down the divorce rates and off the world record books is a bit too much.
According to law, you cannot file for divorce again before three months and the wife has to endure this once again for another three months as was the case with Nasheeda. Her husband was cheating on her with another woman. With four kids to take care of after fourteen years of marriage, she could not handle the emotional stress of it on her daily life and wanted the divorce soon. However, she had to endure almost half a year before the court gave her the divorce. She says: ‘It’s not as if they put us into marriage counseling or anything every time we go there when they send us off home so soon. He would continue to do as he wished and nothing would change. If only there was more to it only would this work.”
This is a most common situation here and it is a growing concern. The amount of children who grow up without proper care or love from their parents is too many. Single parents are not able to take care of their children properly while trying to earn a living. Most children do not respect their parents for the way they have been treated during their childhood and they grow up not respecting others and they do not have faith in relationships as obviously they have grown up in such an atmosphere where it is not something that is respected.
Abuse in marriages and relationships is another thing that is common in Maldives. What compels people to abuse their partners? It is considered that sometimes, people who come from such backgrounds tend to abuse others but this is not the case every time.
In a review carried out by the Ministry of Gender, Family Development and Social Security with the support of UNFPA in 2004/2005 of the Maldives Family Law, it was seen that the right of wives to petition for divorce did not necessarily translate to ‘access’ to divorce with only 10.45% of divorce petitions granted in 2000. Court records show that the wives who petitioned the Court for divorce got a favorable outcome only where the husband was ready and willing to give a divorce. In instances where husbands challenged and/or refused to divorce, the women were more often than not forced to go back home with their husbands; quite possibly to a relationship even more strained and harmful than before, due to the ‘crime’ of the wife having challenged the husband in public.
“Divorce was very rarely granted, even if violence or abuse was given as the reason for the petition. Of the cases where the court refused divorce/permission to divorce, 71.43 were wife-initiated petitions, and in all these cases the husbands had not agreed to the divorce. The grounds on which the Court based their decisions did not always reflect the grounds on which the petition was made. For example, 30% of the wife-initiated petitions had explicitly noted “the actions of the husband” - which could be anything from negligence to wife-abuse – as reason for requesting divorce, but the Court records did not reflect any attention to the issue.”
Source: www.planning.gov.mv
This review concludes that the Family Law analysis is far removed from the everyday realities of people. That currently the levels of maintenance are determined according to the circumstances of the husband (former husband) whatever the circumstances of the wife (former wife), which is problematic as it does not address needs in real terms. Further, the burden of providing maintenance falls upon the man regardless of the circumstances of the woman. Maintenance should be assessed and adjusted according to the means and circumstances of the concerned couple.
Why is this happening and why isn’t anyone concerned about this? Perhaps we have evolved past this whole love, care and trust thing now or simply gotten used to accepting that this is a myth. Just like we hear about fairies and unicorns, now we will read about love from books and see it only in movies. It’s not real at all.
Respect, care, love and understanding is something one can achieve through their own actions and attitude, it is something that is earned. One needs to earn the other persons respect. Perhaps this could be where one starts and maybe the rest will come naturally. I believe that our young generation needs good role models to look up to. It all starts at home where the first human experiences children feel are of the family around them. If it is how the children grow up, in a warm, caring environment where everyone respects one another, perhaps they would grow up to be more positive human beings, who respect, honor and above all have empathy for each other. Parents need to be shining examples. They must instruct and train their children on how to love their spouses and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be kind and helpful and respect each other. Perhaps they may have more faith in relationships and all walks of life as grownups.
When did the Maldivian culture evolve into such an environment where love, respect and caring are seen as traits to be ridiculed?
Remember the days when love was the reason you got into a relationship? A time when people used to respect each other and care for each other; wanted relationships to end up in marriage? Times when courting periods were shorter and marriages lasted longer? When people wrote sweet poetry on leafs, or on the ‘fanvaiy’ of houses for each other in much earlier times? Maybe some of us do but most of the people these days have no clue what it is all about.
People no longer believe in love at first sight; now it’s lust at first sight. People do not have relationships, instead there are flings and affairs which everyone wants to forget and get over to the next conquest as soon as possible. Men want to add to their little black book or their mobile phonebook. Women are more sexual than ever before. We see everything from scantily clad women to the “buruga” clad women. It doesn’t matter how they are dressed or which sex they are, anyone could be having an affair outside marriage or with a married person. Some prefer their careers over relationships unless it just happens. However, what I want to know is, when did we stop respecting each other?
In a recent conversation with some male office mates, it became apparent that they did not think much of women. For them, there were the pretty girls, meaning the women who had no qualms about revealing all and no inhibitions at all and then there were the ‘foni’ women, the ones who actually had some kind of respect for themselves, whom they believed were either hiding something, or needed some kind of a lesson to be taught by a man. They thought more about which one they could easily ‘get’ and some men even go so far as to claim that women these days are so easy, they could have their pick of them. People are dating on dares or bets.
It’s the same for women. They don’t think much of Maldivian men either. In fact, women have relationships online with total strangers out of the country rather than socialize locally and meet someone face to face. Of course, there are the women who are dating around and trying to find someone to settle on or not, and these are the women who usually get no respect from anyone. They are deemed to be easy and the ‘havaru thunfohi’ or something similar. Everyone it seems is very misunderstood in their own way. No shy innocents anymore, everyone is jaded. How and why did this happen and when did it come about?
Perhaps it could have begun when people started having all this freedom for themselves, to do whatever they want and whenever they want. Of course, this isn’t such a bad thing in some ways. There is a saying somewhere that feminism was created by men just so that men could take advantage of it. There could be some truth to that. When a woman dates around, she becomes a ‘badi’ instantly, whilst a man could date around and be looking for the right one. That’s acceptable and good. What’s up with that?
Married men are having affairs with young girls half their age. Both are actually to blame in this, however, usually the women are blamed more than the men. The wives would think it’s the other woman’s fault for stealing their husband. What about the husband who doesn’t seem to care much for the sacred vow he took when marrying? Granted our religion allows a man to have more than one wife but if we are blaming someone why is it just the woman you should take it? How come he doesn’t get the blame for going to the other woman? Men and women are to be blamed equally for these.
We are losing respect for each other and slowly losing faith, and trust is something which does not come easily to us anymore. How could we trust someone with such things constantly happening all around us? It’s only natural that this should happen. This is what our young population is seeing and believing and growing up in, this atmosphere of lies and deception. Respect is something that needs to be instilled in people at a young age or even later for it to be of any benefit to that person. This is simply not happening here anymore, in our society of affairs and broken families and children who grow up without proper care. What is going wrong with our society and why is this happening? I have no definite answers yet for these questions and I doubt anyone does.
Recently, a friend of mine decided to get a divorce for the umpteenth time after her husband continuously kept cheating on her with different women. Every time, she forgives him and gives him one more chance as they have been married for 15 years with three kids. Yet, she is being woken up almost every other night to the sound of phone calls to his mobile from a woman who claims to be ‘just a friend’ at two in the morning and SMSs proclaiming undying love for the husband. Her husband flat out refuses to acknowledge that there is anything going on, even when she catches him with other women occasionally. She still wants to give it a go as is the case with many single mothers here in the Maldives; it is not possible to raise three children alone without a lot of financial help from the father.
In this case as well, the husband, if he respected and cared for the wife, would not have done anything to hurt her or his children. It is not as if she had done anything either, as she is a stay at home mother who gets no free time between taking care of the children and her husband.
According to Family Court Law fathers are ordered to pay the set sum to the Court and the mothers who have custody of the children to collect their dues from the Court. Where fathers repeatedly fail to make Court-ordered child-support, they are penalized by being jailed for a period of 15 days. What good is that? It just makes things worse.
Also our family courts have not come up with a foolproof system for this type of situation and many a single mother with children are either trying to get by without the promised money from the divorced father, or trying to earn a living while raising the children. The laws concerning these needs to be revised as the amount that the father is to pay for the children’s upbringing is just not enough in this day and age. The costs of living expenses are high and a single mother without a job has to struggle with the measly amount that could come or not each month.
Simply filing for divorce does not give respite to the troubled wife either. Our courts would not give a divorce easy as it should be, especially when children are put into the equation and would give due ‘naseyhah’ or advice to both parties and ask them to try once again. I understand that this is done in an effort to bring down the divorce rate in Maldives, as we have already made it into world record books for having the highest divorce rates but this is getting ridiculous. Putting individuals concerned into such difficult situations, without any help or hope of getting to a happier solution, just to bring down the divorce rates and off the world record books is a bit too much.
According to law, you cannot file for divorce again before three months and the wife has to endure this once again for another three months as was the case with Nasheeda. Her husband was cheating on her with another woman. With four kids to take care of after fourteen years of marriage, she could not handle the emotional stress of it on her daily life and wanted the divorce soon. However, she had to endure almost half a year before the court gave her the divorce. She says: ‘It’s not as if they put us into marriage counseling or anything every time we go there when they send us off home so soon. He would continue to do as he wished and nothing would change. If only there was more to it only would this work.”
This is a most common situation here and it is a growing concern. The amount of children who grow up without proper care or love from their parents is too many. Single parents are not able to take care of their children properly while trying to earn a living. Most children do not respect their parents for the way they have been treated during their childhood and they grow up not respecting others and they do not have faith in relationships as obviously they have grown up in such an atmosphere where it is not something that is respected.
Abuse in marriages and relationships is another thing that is common in Maldives. What compels people to abuse their partners? It is considered that sometimes, people who come from such backgrounds tend to abuse others but this is not the case every time.
In a review carried out by the Ministry of Gender, Family Development and Social Security with the support of UNFPA in 2004/2005 of the Maldives Family Law, it was seen that the right of wives to petition for divorce did not necessarily translate to ‘access’ to divorce with only 10.45% of divorce petitions granted in 2000. Court records show that the wives who petitioned the Court for divorce got a favorable outcome only where the husband was ready and willing to give a divorce. In instances where husbands challenged and/or refused to divorce, the women were more often than not forced to go back home with their husbands; quite possibly to a relationship even more strained and harmful than before, due to the ‘crime’ of the wife having challenged the husband in public.
“Divorce was very rarely granted, even if violence or abuse was given as the reason for the petition. Of the cases where the court refused divorce/permission to divorce, 71.43 were wife-initiated petitions, and in all these cases the husbands had not agreed to the divorce. The grounds on which the Court based their decisions did not always reflect the grounds on which the petition was made. For example, 30% of the wife-initiated petitions had explicitly noted “the actions of the husband” - which could be anything from negligence to wife-abuse – as reason for requesting divorce, but the Court records did not reflect any attention to the issue.”
Source: www.planning.gov.mv
This review concludes that the Family Law analysis is far removed from the everyday realities of people. That currently the levels of maintenance are determined according to the circumstances of the husband (former husband) whatever the circumstances of the wife (former wife), which is problematic as it does not address needs in real terms. Further, the burden of providing maintenance falls upon the man regardless of the circumstances of the woman. Maintenance should be assessed and adjusted according to the means and circumstances of the concerned couple.
Why is this happening and why isn’t anyone concerned about this? Perhaps we have evolved past this whole love, care and trust thing now or simply gotten used to accepting that this is a myth. Just like we hear about fairies and unicorns, now we will read about love from books and see it only in movies. It’s not real at all.
Respect, care, love and understanding is something one can achieve through their own actions and attitude, it is something that is earned. One needs to earn the other persons respect. Perhaps this could be where one starts and maybe the rest will come naturally. I believe that our young generation needs good role models to look up to. It all starts at home where the first human experiences children feel are of the family around them. If it is how the children grow up, in a warm, caring environment where everyone respects one another, perhaps they would grow up to be more positive human beings, who respect, honor and above all have empathy for each other. Parents need to be shining examples. They must instruct and train their children on how to love their spouses and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be kind and helpful and respect each other. Perhaps they may have more faith in relationships and all walks of life as grownups.
The Right to Have Rights
Crimes rate is on the rise again, it appears, but sadly this time the crimes being committed aren’t your average burglary or purse snatching. It’s gotten a whole lot worse. It seems we don’t care much for each other these days. Tiny disagreements turn into full out raging fights which sometimes even the police have difficulty breaking up. There is certainly something different in the air. Perhaps it’s just me or is it?
Every other day the newspapers seem to mention a sad or disturbing crime where people are getting hurt and even killed, either by pure recklessness or by hatred. Hate crimes, this is something that is becoming increasingly common among us. It seems that almost everything can be turned around as a reason to start a fight. Our tempers are a bit short and we are constantly losing it. What is really going on?
If one was to try and trace these events to its source then it would be quite impossible to point a finger at any one singular event and hold it responsible. But there is one single event that stands out; one event that has lead to a lot of people being hurt and maybe even directly responsible for many other similar incidents to happen in Male. It is a day that no one in Male will ever forget as long as they live. A violent end to an event that was to bring about something good, offer a chance to make things better, a peaceful struggle asking for justice. So many innocents suffered that day, but hopefully there won’t be a repeat of the same ever again.
It was a fight for freedom, apparently because we are an oppressed people. Until that day most of us had not even realized it. And to this day we are still fighting for it and we have apparently not gotten it still either. We have all seen the websites; if we are to believe what the websites say, anything and everything bad and wrong with the society can apparently be traced to one simple thing. No matter how ridiculous the claim, it is all only one persons fault according to them.
A coconut falls from a tree and lands near the beach where the waves take it away into the lagoon. No one will ever have the pleasure of drinking its mild or eating its flesh. Whose fault is that? Yep, you got it right. There is apparently one man to blame. It hasn’t rained for a long time or the rain hasn’t stopped for a long time. Yep, it’s his fault. According to these websites the world apparently revolves around this single man. But just how simple do we have to be to believe these things?
What about the drag racing that has become so popular on the streets of Male during the night? Pedestrians and anyone else on the streets when the speed junkies take to the streets to get their fix are in danger. Obviously, it is not a concern that goes through the head of these speed freaks. Our roads are considerably small and were not meant for such speeds.
However, few people actually even bother to check their speed. And these racers aren’t limited to cars alone; some bicyclists and motorcyclists aren’t too concerned about checking their speed. In their haste to get a rush out of being reckless, they do not bother to look at what kind of damage they are leaving behind.
You could be walking on the pavement and still be in danger of being hit. The traffic does not move only on the road, just as the pedestrians who leave the tiny pavements sometimes the traffic leaves the crowded roads to slide by other traffic smoothly by coming on to the pavement as well.
When a traffic jam happens, people start honking their horns instantly and incessantly as if this would spur the traffic on. What about the people in the houses nearby who are bothered by the constant honking? Not their problem, right?
Recently, I came upon a crowd of people gathered in front of a shop. As a curious Maldivian, I went over to see what the fuss was all about as there was no way for the traffic to move on anyway. There was a woman screaming at a boy not more than 17 or 18 with her daughter in tow. Turns out that the boy was abusing the little girl and the mom found out from the daughter.
However, while in the middle of this screaming, right before the police came around, a group of people started beating the skinny boy. Granted, he had committed a disgusting crime, one for which he should be punished according to the law, but why take it into your own hands to punish him? To me it seemed as if the people who beat up the kid were more interested in getting a violent rush from beating a helpless boy than they were in seeking justice.
Violence or defiance is never the answer and violence only breeds and brings about more violence. Laws and regulations are there to help people; we need to understand this concept. We are being repeatedly told by the media that we are people with rights. That we deserve to have our rights protected. And that we should fight for our rights.
All well and good, but what about the others? Don’t they have rights too? While fighting for our rights should we trample on the rights of everyone else?
Every other day the newspapers seem to mention a sad or disturbing crime where people are getting hurt and even killed, either by pure recklessness or by hatred. Hate crimes, this is something that is becoming increasingly common among us. It seems that almost everything can be turned around as a reason to start a fight. Our tempers are a bit short and we are constantly losing it. What is really going on?
If one was to try and trace these events to its source then it would be quite impossible to point a finger at any one singular event and hold it responsible. But there is one single event that stands out; one event that has lead to a lot of people being hurt and maybe even directly responsible for many other similar incidents to happen in Male. It is a day that no one in Male will ever forget as long as they live. A violent end to an event that was to bring about something good, offer a chance to make things better, a peaceful struggle asking for justice. So many innocents suffered that day, but hopefully there won’t be a repeat of the same ever again.
It was a fight for freedom, apparently because we are an oppressed people. Until that day most of us had not even realized it. And to this day we are still fighting for it and we have apparently not gotten it still either. We have all seen the websites; if we are to believe what the websites say, anything and everything bad and wrong with the society can apparently be traced to one simple thing. No matter how ridiculous the claim, it is all only one persons fault according to them.
A coconut falls from a tree and lands near the beach where the waves take it away into the lagoon. No one will ever have the pleasure of drinking its mild or eating its flesh. Whose fault is that? Yep, you got it right. There is apparently one man to blame. It hasn’t rained for a long time or the rain hasn’t stopped for a long time. Yep, it’s his fault. According to these websites the world apparently revolves around this single man. But just how simple do we have to be to believe these things?
What about the drag racing that has become so popular on the streets of Male during the night? Pedestrians and anyone else on the streets when the speed junkies take to the streets to get their fix are in danger. Obviously, it is not a concern that goes through the head of these speed freaks. Our roads are considerably small and were not meant for such speeds.
However, few people actually even bother to check their speed. And these racers aren’t limited to cars alone; some bicyclists and motorcyclists aren’t too concerned about checking their speed. In their haste to get a rush out of being reckless, they do not bother to look at what kind of damage they are leaving behind.
You could be walking on the pavement and still be in danger of being hit. The traffic does not move only on the road, just as the pedestrians who leave the tiny pavements sometimes the traffic leaves the crowded roads to slide by other traffic smoothly by coming on to the pavement as well.
When a traffic jam happens, people start honking their horns instantly and incessantly as if this would spur the traffic on. What about the people in the houses nearby who are bothered by the constant honking? Not their problem, right?
Recently, I came upon a crowd of people gathered in front of a shop. As a curious Maldivian, I went over to see what the fuss was all about as there was no way for the traffic to move on anyway. There was a woman screaming at a boy not more than 17 or 18 with her daughter in tow. Turns out that the boy was abusing the little girl and the mom found out from the daughter.
However, while in the middle of this screaming, right before the police came around, a group of people started beating the skinny boy. Granted, he had committed a disgusting crime, one for which he should be punished according to the law, but why take it into your own hands to punish him? To me it seemed as if the people who beat up the kid were more interested in getting a violent rush from beating a helpless boy than they were in seeking justice.
Violence or defiance is never the answer and violence only breeds and brings about more violence. Laws and regulations are there to help people; we need to understand this concept. We are being repeatedly told by the media that we are people with rights. That we deserve to have our rights protected. And that we should fight for our rights.
All well and good, but what about the others? Don’t they have rights too? While fighting for our rights should we trample on the rights of everyone else?
Clothes Make the Person
08 August 2006
Just around the corner in every woman’s mind - is a lovely dress, a wonderful suit, or entire costume which will make an enchanting new creature of her. ~Wilhela Cushman
Some days back I found myself stuck in traffic when I noticed that everyone, well all the men anyway, were straining their necks trying to look at a girl who was sitting on the backseat of a cycle near me. Curious, I also turned to look too. Now, I am not one of those women who thinks skinny is beautiful. Skinny is just that: skinny. This woman was not skinny. However, she was not fat either. Some men nearby started commenting loudly about her revealing clothes and they weren’t very shy about making their opinions clear.
Sad to say, but it was true. She was wearing something that would be considered quite revealing even on the beaches of Brazil, and the overall look wasn’t all that flattering to her either. I assumed that she must be on her way to a party or something, because I could not think of any other reason why she would be out on the roads in the outrageous attire. She was wearing a micro miniskirt that was so small that it would have graduated to nano miniskirt status if it had been even a millimeter higher and her underwear was also visible from the back. The straps on her shoulders were straining her muscles and it looked like the muscles were winning. She probably heard all the comments being said about her and was urging the guy in front, possibly her boyfriend, to ride through the red light. A good 10 seconds before the light turned green, the cycle raced off, as is common here in Male.
What bothered me about this whole thing was the fact that, despite all the exposure and everything, she could have dressed better. For one thing, if she wanted to wear such revealing clothes, she should not let such comments bother her. Secondly, with such a low skirt, how come she opted for such huge underwear? She could have gone with one of the underwear that is specifically being sold for such skirts and jeans. It’s one thing to dress up, but quite another to dress up in such a way that does not either flatter or enhance your own beauty and show off your best assets. With all the information sources available to us like the TV, magazines and the internet, why not do some type of research or learn about it before strutting off outside in the first piece that someone else looked good in?
It’s not just women who dress up in such outrageous clothes these days. Men are often seen wearing jeans so loose it seems in danger of being left behind without their knowledge while they are walking on the road. Then there are those who feel confident enough about their physique to parade around in see through shirts, despite the fact they could be mistaken for a runaway skeleton from a laboratory. If there were fashion police around, people will be getting arrested left and right! So what is it that is making our society commit all these fashion crimes?
Well, it happens everywhere. Only, in some places, it’s called trends and when it comes to a country like ours where it doesn’t fit in anywhere and isn’t accepted, this is what happens. You get ridiculed for going out looking like an idiot. People need to learn to dress to fit our society, the one we live in. Dressing up like people in Hollywood or someone on a catwalk just don’t actually do it for you here. Everyone needs to learn to dress appropriately wherever they go. Dressing up in a mini with clown like make up at seven in the morning for work is not considered apt attire.
Wearing the veil is now the latest fashion around and almost every other person wears it. However, this is supposed to be worn in a specific way which is not how everyone is doing it. There are people who wear skin tight jeans or bellbottoms with tops that fit just as tight and then wear a veil.
If I am not wrong, isn’t the veil supposed to be worn in a way that the woman’s figure is not apparent? I do not mean wearing a huge black garb from head to toe, but loose fitting clothes would be much more appropriate for a person wearing the veil, don’t you think?
Image is something that can either make or break you. Most attire worn on television is not appropriate for business environments. Don’t be deluded. Remember, first impressions do count mostly despite what you may believe, unless you are able to change it later on with hard work. Here are some tips that might help when dressing up.
When dressing up for work, it is always good for women to dress in crisp, clean, neatly pressed clothes that fit well and is appropriate for a day at work and even for a chance meeting with a CEO. It should not look like something you will wear to a party. Avoid, too tight or baggy clothes, instead opt for casual classic and trendy clothes such as pants, neatly pressed, and a pressed long-sleeved, buttoned solid shirt are safe for both men and women. The most commonly worn kurtha and Pakistani dresses are also appropriate as well. However, it is common to see these with too much embroidery, less is good as far as this goes. Simple designs are more appropriate.
Basically, choose clothes that fit well and remain in place while sitting and/or walking. Less is more. Avoid extremes of style and color. Fit should not be tight. Cleavage is not appropriate for work, and probably not appropriate for anywhere in Maldives, but of course it’s your call. When wearing makeup, keep it conservative and natural looking. A little is usually better than none for a polished look. Nails should be clean and well groomed. Avoid extremes of nail length and polish color, especially in conservative offices. Shoes should be leather or fabric/micro fiber that can be cleaned and for the most conservative look, wear something that covers your toes.
Sandals which are neither extremely dressy nor extremely casual might be appropriate. Make certain you can walk comfortably in your shoes; hobbling around the office in shoes that are pinching your feet does not convey a professional image. Select apparel, fragrances, jewelry, hairstyle, etc. that do not detract from your professional image. Hair should be neat, clean and professionally styled. Avoid styles that cover over more than your forehead or one that you have to brush back. Believe me, if you are dressed in a respectable way, people will tend to respect you and take you more seriously.
Most of the people working in the private offices do not have a set dress code and it is up to the individual to dress appropriately for work. For men, who do have to wear ties, opt for something that does not have Mickey Mouse or such comical stuff on it. Instead, opt for a design that is abstract and simple. Wear dark socks, mid-calf length so no skin is visible when you sit down. Shoes should be in polished condition. Make sure heels are not worn out. No sandals, athletic shoes or hiking boots. Facial hair should be well-groomed if you decide to go for that kind of look.
Know your industry and how conservative it is; observe men in your industry if you are unsure what’s appropriate or are considering changing your look. Wear a conservative watch. If you choose to wear other jewelry, be conservative. Seriously, we have not come into an era where it is acceptable for men to wear earrings at work, so no earrings or piercing with jewellery on it. No odors on clothes; that means don’t walk in smelling of cigarette. It’s common for most people to go out for coffees and come back into the office smelling you’ve eaten a pack of cigarettes. This is something that could most probably annoy or offend the rest of the non-smoking office mates.
If dressing up for a party or such, make sure the message you convey is something that reflects you, in a good way. Meaning, don’t wear revealing clothes unless of course the message you want to give is that you are available and not too picky about who comes looking. You can dress up without wearing revealing clothes. Leave something up to the imagination and dress up appropriately.
Men, wear something that would attract attention in a positive way. This depends on the party and the situation. When choosing something for yourselves, make sure you get the opinion of someone who is trustworthy, like a family member or a close friend. You can’t go wrong there right? They would tell you what’s acceptable and what’s not. Besides that, you can take a look around our society and understand what would be acceptable here, for any occasion.
Whatever you wear let your image be a reflection of the person you are, a respectable person who demands the respect of others. Image is very important.
Just around the corner in every woman’s mind - is a lovely dress, a wonderful suit, or entire costume which will make an enchanting new creature of her. ~Wilhela Cushman
Some days back I found myself stuck in traffic when I noticed that everyone, well all the men anyway, were straining their necks trying to look at a girl who was sitting on the backseat of a cycle near me. Curious, I also turned to look too. Now, I am not one of those women who thinks skinny is beautiful. Skinny is just that: skinny. This woman was not skinny. However, she was not fat either. Some men nearby started commenting loudly about her revealing clothes and they weren’t very shy about making their opinions clear.
Sad to say, but it was true. She was wearing something that would be considered quite revealing even on the beaches of Brazil, and the overall look wasn’t all that flattering to her either. I assumed that she must be on her way to a party or something, because I could not think of any other reason why she would be out on the roads in the outrageous attire. She was wearing a micro miniskirt that was so small that it would have graduated to nano miniskirt status if it had been even a millimeter higher and her underwear was also visible from the back. The straps on her shoulders were straining her muscles and it looked like the muscles were winning. She probably heard all the comments being said about her and was urging the guy in front, possibly her boyfriend, to ride through the red light. A good 10 seconds before the light turned green, the cycle raced off, as is common here in Male.
What bothered me about this whole thing was the fact that, despite all the exposure and everything, she could have dressed better. For one thing, if she wanted to wear such revealing clothes, she should not let such comments bother her. Secondly, with such a low skirt, how come she opted for such huge underwear? She could have gone with one of the underwear that is specifically being sold for such skirts and jeans. It’s one thing to dress up, but quite another to dress up in such a way that does not either flatter or enhance your own beauty and show off your best assets. With all the information sources available to us like the TV, magazines and the internet, why not do some type of research or learn about it before strutting off outside in the first piece that someone else looked good in?
It’s not just women who dress up in such outrageous clothes these days. Men are often seen wearing jeans so loose it seems in danger of being left behind without their knowledge while they are walking on the road. Then there are those who feel confident enough about their physique to parade around in see through shirts, despite the fact they could be mistaken for a runaway skeleton from a laboratory. If there were fashion police around, people will be getting arrested left and right! So what is it that is making our society commit all these fashion crimes?
Well, it happens everywhere. Only, in some places, it’s called trends and when it comes to a country like ours where it doesn’t fit in anywhere and isn’t accepted, this is what happens. You get ridiculed for going out looking like an idiot. People need to learn to dress to fit our society, the one we live in. Dressing up like people in Hollywood or someone on a catwalk just don’t actually do it for you here. Everyone needs to learn to dress appropriately wherever they go. Dressing up in a mini with clown like make up at seven in the morning for work is not considered apt attire.
Wearing the veil is now the latest fashion around and almost every other person wears it. However, this is supposed to be worn in a specific way which is not how everyone is doing it. There are people who wear skin tight jeans or bellbottoms with tops that fit just as tight and then wear a veil.
If I am not wrong, isn’t the veil supposed to be worn in a way that the woman’s figure is not apparent? I do not mean wearing a huge black garb from head to toe, but loose fitting clothes would be much more appropriate for a person wearing the veil, don’t you think?
Image is something that can either make or break you. Most attire worn on television is not appropriate for business environments. Don’t be deluded. Remember, first impressions do count mostly despite what you may believe, unless you are able to change it later on with hard work. Here are some tips that might help when dressing up.
When dressing up for work, it is always good for women to dress in crisp, clean, neatly pressed clothes that fit well and is appropriate for a day at work and even for a chance meeting with a CEO. It should not look like something you will wear to a party. Avoid, too tight or baggy clothes, instead opt for casual classic and trendy clothes such as pants, neatly pressed, and a pressed long-sleeved, buttoned solid shirt are safe for both men and women. The most commonly worn kurtha and Pakistani dresses are also appropriate as well. However, it is common to see these with too much embroidery, less is good as far as this goes. Simple designs are more appropriate.
Basically, choose clothes that fit well and remain in place while sitting and/or walking. Less is more. Avoid extremes of style and color. Fit should not be tight. Cleavage is not appropriate for work, and probably not appropriate for anywhere in Maldives, but of course it’s your call. When wearing makeup, keep it conservative and natural looking. A little is usually better than none for a polished look. Nails should be clean and well groomed. Avoid extremes of nail length and polish color, especially in conservative offices. Shoes should be leather or fabric/micro fiber that can be cleaned and for the most conservative look, wear something that covers your toes.
Sandals which are neither extremely dressy nor extremely casual might be appropriate. Make certain you can walk comfortably in your shoes; hobbling around the office in shoes that are pinching your feet does not convey a professional image. Select apparel, fragrances, jewelry, hairstyle, etc. that do not detract from your professional image. Hair should be neat, clean and professionally styled. Avoid styles that cover over more than your forehead or one that you have to brush back. Believe me, if you are dressed in a respectable way, people will tend to respect you and take you more seriously.
Most of the people working in the private offices do not have a set dress code and it is up to the individual to dress appropriately for work. For men, who do have to wear ties, opt for something that does not have Mickey Mouse or such comical stuff on it. Instead, opt for a design that is abstract and simple. Wear dark socks, mid-calf length so no skin is visible when you sit down. Shoes should be in polished condition. Make sure heels are not worn out. No sandals, athletic shoes or hiking boots. Facial hair should be well-groomed if you decide to go for that kind of look.
Know your industry and how conservative it is; observe men in your industry if you are unsure what’s appropriate or are considering changing your look. Wear a conservative watch. If you choose to wear other jewelry, be conservative. Seriously, we have not come into an era where it is acceptable for men to wear earrings at work, so no earrings or piercing with jewellery on it. No odors on clothes; that means don’t walk in smelling of cigarette. It’s common for most people to go out for coffees and come back into the office smelling you’ve eaten a pack of cigarettes. This is something that could most probably annoy or offend the rest of the non-smoking office mates.
If dressing up for a party or such, make sure the message you convey is something that reflects you, in a good way. Meaning, don’t wear revealing clothes unless of course the message you want to give is that you are available and not too picky about who comes looking. You can dress up without wearing revealing clothes. Leave something up to the imagination and dress up appropriately.
Men, wear something that would attract attention in a positive way. This depends on the party and the situation. When choosing something for yourselves, make sure you get the opinion of someone who is trustworthy, like a family member or a close friend. You can’t go wrong there right? They would tell you what’s acceptable and what’s not. Besides that, you can take a look around our society and understand what would be acceptable here, for any occasion.
Whatever you wear let your image be a reflection of the person you are, a respectable person who demands the respect of others. Image is very important.
Shredder Boys!
Simply throwing sensitive and confidential documents into a trashcan will not suffice these days since it can always be retrieved by someone else and used in ways one might not even imagine. This is why in any office a shredder is considered to be as important a tool as even the computer.
It’s no wonder that it was a guy who originally came up with the idea for a shredder. Inventor A.A. Low is credited with having designed the first paper shredder in 1908; but it wasn’t until Adolf Ehinger came along in 1936 with his version of the paper shredder, that the devise caught on. His company, EBA Maschinenfabrik, was the first to introduce the crosscut paper shredder in 1959. Now I imagine this guy must have been very fascinated with the whole process to come up with something even better than the original; similar to the kind of fascination being expressed by some of my office mates. They would have really loved this guy if they ever stopped shredding long enough to think about who invented the amazing piece of machinery that could keep them occupied for hours.
My officemate used to be alone in his passion. He would jump out of his chair and grab anything that is about to go into the shredder to shred it himself. Of all the machines in the office, he loves the shredder the best. Perhaps, being a guy, he loves the whole destruction of the paper thing or whatever. But recently, he got a new member to share his shredder fascination with. I will never understand his fascination with the shredder. In our old office, there used to be a tiny shredder which could shred only 2 pages per minute at the most. According to them, it was an amazing and wonderful machine! Sometimes they would put paper in it and reverse it so the paper came out half shredded and this amuses them no end for some reason. Whenever someone had something to shred, they would volunteer to do it for them and go as far as to snatch it away from others to shred it themselves. They love making the shredder noises. Right after they put something in the machine, they would make the same noises until it is done shredding. I mean seriously! Come on!
When we moved to the new office, my boss bought a new shredder that could shred 15 sheets maximum. Imagine their excitement! Immediately, they came over and plugged it in although half the computers were not even setup yet. We had a working a shredder before any other equipment had even been plugged in! During their free time, they would come around and shred everything they found in the new office. The fax machine is right next to the shredder but no worries; they have not shredded an important fax yet.
Next, the boss bought a photocopy machine. I think I actually saw their eyes sparkle. Their new love! They immediately sprang into action and plugged it in. Last I saw, one of them had his head under the lid and was photocopying his face... right after they were done with their hands... sigh...
A friend of mine told me about an office mate of hers who had his office ID and half his tie shredded. Perhaps it was an accident, but who knows? Men’s fascination is not limited only to these office equipments apparently. Little boys would make vroom sounds and imitate driving cars as kids, and as adults, if they can afford it, they would own as many cars or any other machines that catch their fancy.
What is with them and these things? What is so exciting about the shredder and the photocopy machine that they get all excited when someone starts walking to these machines and they spring out of their comfy chairs and run to you to do it for you? They were even going through the shredded papers from the shredder yesterday, discussing how finely it was all shredded and telling each other excitedly how the shredder “ate anything you put in there, staples and all! Heck, you could put a table in there and it would eat it up!”
There is a warning on the shredder which says that you should not put such things as screwdrivers, your hand or tie into it and I wondered once who would be crazy enough to do that? I guess I have my answer now... and maybe they should have included furniture, office supplies and kitchen utensils into the list of things that should not be shredded!
It’s no wonder that it was a guy who originally came up with the idea for a shredder. Inventor A.A. Low is credited with having designed the first paper shredder in 1908; but it wasn’t until Adolf Ehinger came along in 1936 with his version of the paper shredder, that the devise caught on. His company, EBA Maschinenfabrik, was the first to introduce the crosscut paper shredder in 1959. Now I imagine this guy must have been very fascinated with the whole process to come up with something even better than the original; similar to the kind of fascination being expressed by some of my office mates. They would have really loved this guy if they ever stopped shredding long enough to think about who invented the amazing piece of machinery that could keep them occupied for hours.
My officemate used to be alone in his passion. He would jump out of his chair and grab anything that is about to go into the shredder to shred it himself. Of all the machines in the office, he loves the shredder the best. Perhaps, being a guy, he loves the whole destruction of the paper thing or whatever. But recently, he got a new member to share his shredder fascination with. I will never understand his fascination with the shredder. In our old office, there used to be a tiny shredder which could shred only 2 pages per minute at the most. According to them, it was an amazing and wonderful machine! Sometimes they would put paper in it and reverse it so the paper came out half shredded and this amuses them no end for some reason. Whenever someone had something to shred, they would volunteer to do it for them and go as far as to snatch it away from others to shred it themselves. They love making the shredder noises. Right after they put something in the machine, they would make the same noises until it is done shredding. I mean seriously! Come on!
When we moved to the new office, my boss bought a new shredder that could shred 15 sheets maximum. Imagine their excitement! Immediately, they came over and plugged it in although half the computers were not even setup yet. We had a working a shredder before any other equipment had even been plugged in! During their free time, they would come around and shred everything they found in the new office. The fax machine is right next to the shredder but no worries; they have not shredded an important fax yet.
Next, the boss bought a photocopy machine. I think I actually saw their eyes sparkle. Their new love! They immediately sprang into action and plugged it in. Last I saw, one of them had his head under the lid and was photocopying his face... right after they were done with their hands... sigh...
A friend of mine told me about an office mate of hers who had his office ID and half his tie shredded. Perhaps it was an accident, but who knows? Men’s fascination is not limited only to these office equipments apparently. Little boys would make vroom sounds and imitate driving cars as kids, and as adults, if they can afford it, they would own as many cars or any other machines that catch their fancy.
What is with them and these things? What is so exciting about the shredder and the photocopy machine that they get all excited when someone starts walking to these machines and they spring out of their comfy chairs and run to you to do it for you? They were even going through the shredded papers from the shredder yesterday, discussing how finely it was all shredded and telling each other excitedly how the shredder “ate anything you put in there, staples and all! Heck, you could put a table in there and it would eat it up!”
There is a warning on the shredder which says that you should not put such things as screwdrivers, your hand or tie into it and I wondered once who would be crazy enough to do that? I guess I have my answer now... and maybe they should have included furniture, office supplies and kitchen utensils into the list of things that should not be shredded!
We Are What We Watch
Just how much does what we watch on TV and read in the papers influence us? Shouldn’t we be able to use our own creativeness and intelligence to preserve our individuality instead of mindlessly following the standards being set by the media and becoming a a zombie advertisement billboard ourselves?
The media is shaping the way we think and most of the time we are not even aware of it. Since the introduction of several TV channels some years back, we now crave TV like never before. We watch about five or six hours of TV everyday and most of the time it is not the local channel either. We are watching Hollywood and Bollywood movies, Hindi soaps, fashion channels and the likes. We pay a considerable part of our salaries to keep watching these channels. But the question remains, what are the negative impacts of exposure to these foreign societies through media and is it affecting our lives and our culture? Most certainly!
Before Trendz channel came along, few people were exposed to the wonders of skinny women flitting around in weird costumes that barely or sometimes didn’t even cover their privates. Women are sexualized and men are supposed to be the people who gawk at the women and judge them on their breast or butt size. All of a sudden, our impressionable young ones are taking to the streets looking like skeletons, wearing almost nothing or loose hanging clothes; in the style of Eminem or Beyonce and the likes.
Women are trying to walk the walk of the models on the catwalk on our unevenly paved roads with high heels and wedges. Men are seen with pants that hang so low that by the time they arrive at wherever they are going, their trousers or jeans are twice as heavy with dust and sand than when they started out. And let’s not forget the underwear. If you can’t see it, then you are obviously not wearing your trousers low enough. It doesn’t concern them that it might not be fitting or appropriate for our society or culture. Stick thin models with stick straight hair mostly. This is what the media is portraying as the perfect men and women. People are going on hunger strikes to stay thin and buying slimming products which are supposed to work miracles. We have all seen these products on the tele-shopping channels.
But it’s not just the media either. We have local magazines as well now which sells these images to the general public. There are tips on flirting and how to do your hair a certain way, as apparently this is the ‘cool do’ that you should have and the images all portray women in skimpy clothes who are again stick thin or men that have a certain style which just has to be imitated if one wants to be cool and accepted. Individuality is a thing of the past and almost every gullible person is convinced that their actual self is not worth anything and they need to be sporting some celebrities’ style.
Undeniably media is a powerful thing. Something to ponder on for a while. Almost all the Hindi soaps that Maldivians watch mostly deal with women in the Indian culture. A woman who gets cheated on by her husband several times, women who are submissive and religious and lots of religious stuff is always going on. Murders, psychos and god knows what else.
This is not really the kind of thing that actually suits our society. But we watch them all the same, and our children watch them and they start thinking it’s completely normal for men to cheat on their wives. The media normalizes these things to us.
As a country with a high divorce rate, these rates are going higher every year. The amount of extra marital affairs is also on the rise obviously. Statistics show that the divorce rates in Male’ alone have risen from 862 divorces in 2002 to 1184 in 2004. Men are cheating on their wives just like in the Hindi soaps and the women are crying at home and not doing much most of the time. The number of ‘illegal coital relationship’ cases dealt by the Judicial Courts have risen from 183 to 187, this is not a big change, however, it is also most certainly on the rise. Married people are having affairs left and right, be it men or women.
Sadly, it’s not only the Hindi soaps that are showing these things now. Our local series and movies are picking up on what sells and local soaps now show the same kind of situations. Men and women don’t even feel ashamed to be caught in these situations anymore as they are shown that the sacred bond of marriage is nothing by these fictitious people who seem to have no real emotions. Women don’t feel bad to be the ‘other woman’ anymore as seems to be a most common thing and the ‘other woman’ is always cooler.
Stereotyping is another issue: we see the cool calm villain who can order for someone to be killed without remorse; the shy wife who obeys the husband although he is a drunkard, mistreating and cheating on her; the sex kitten and the likes. We see advertisements which sell a certain product with the image that you are not complete without it. But then again that is what advertisements are supposed to do, one can’t really find fault with them, can we?
Then there is the ever popular wrestling. Violence and more violence, they say the strong survive and they are talking about spilling blood and actually flying through the rings. Whose watching these channels religiously? Our children, of course. They watch these and are affected by them and despite the warnings all throughout the shows, they are convinced that they can do the same stunts without any prior training. After all, it’s just fighting right?
What our society needs to learn is that the media is what it is; a source of entertainment and information. People need to stop looking for role models where there is none to be found. It’s simply entertainment for you and the advertisements are simply selling a product, not the image.
When will our society come to realize this? When will our society stop believing everything they see on the media to be real? Individuality is a good thing when done right. It’s your own personality, attitude and attire that you need to acquire, not someone else’s. People need to make up their minds not to be negatively influenced by the media as this is the only solution to this perhaps.
All local research taken from http://www.planning.gov.mv
Other sources: http://www.media-awareness.ca
The media is shaping the way we think and most of the time we are not even aware of it. Since the introduction of several TV channels some years back, we now crave TV like never before. We watch about five or six hours of TV everyday and most of the time it is not the local channel either. We are watching Hollywood and Bollywood movies, Hindi soaps, fashion channels and the likes. We pay a considerable part of our salaries to keep watching these channels. But the question remains, what are the negative impacts of exposure to these foreign societies through media and is it affecting our lives and our culture? Most certainly!
Before Trendz channel came along, few people were exposed to the wonders of skinny women flitting around in weird costumes that barely or sometimes didn’t even cover their privates. Women are sexualized and men are supposed to be the people who gawk at the women and judge them on their breast or butt size. All of a sudden, our impressionable young ones are taking to the streets looking like skeletons, wearing almost nothing or loose hanging clothes; in the style of Eminem or Beyonce and the likes.
Women are trying to walk the walk of the models on the catwalk on our unevenly paved roads with high heels and wedges. Men are seen with pants that hang so low that by the time they arrive at wherever they are going, their trousers or jeans are twice as heavy with dust and sand than when they started out. And let’s not forget the underwear. If you can’t see it, then you are obviously not wearing your trousers low enough. It doesn’t concern them that it might not be fitting or appropriate for our society or culture. Stick thin models with stick straight hair mostly. This is what the media is portraying as the perfect men and women. People are going on hunger strikes to stay thin and buying slimming products which are supposed to work miracles. We have all seen these products on the tele-shopping channels.
But it’s not just the media either. We have local magazines as well now which sells these images to the general public. There are tips on flirting and how to do your hair a certain way, as apparently this is the ‘cool do’ that you should have and the images all portray women in skimpy clothes who are again stick thin or men that have a certain style which just has to be imitated if one wants to be cool and accepted. Individuality is a thing of the past and almost every gullible person is convinced that their actual self is not worth anything and they need to be sporting some celebrities’ style.
Undeniably media is a powerful thing. Something to ponder on for a while. Almost all the Hindi soaps that Maldivians watch mostly deal with women in the Indian culture. A woman who gets cheated on by her husband several times, women who are submissive and religious and lots of religious stuff is always going on. Murders, psychos and god knows what else.
This is not really the kind of thing that actually suits our society. But we watch them all the same, and our children watch them and they start thinking it’s completely normal for men to cheat on their wives. The media normalizes these things to us.
As a country with a high divorce rate, these rates are going higher every year. The amount of extra marital affairs is also on the rise obviously. Statistics show that the divorce rates in Male’ alone have risen from 862 divorces in 2002 to 1184 in 2004. Men are cheating on their wives just like in the Hindi soaps and the women are crying at home and not doing much most of the time. The number of ‘illegal coital relationship’ cases dealt by the Judicial Courts have risen from 183 to 187, this is not a big change, however, it is also most certainly on the rise. Married people are having affairs left and right, be it men or women.
Sadly, it’s not only the Hindi soaps that are showing these things now. Our local series and movies are picking up on what sells and local soaps now show the same kind of situations. Men and women don’t even feel ashamed to be caught in these situations anymore as they are shown that the sacred bond of marriage is nothing by these fictitious people who seem to have no real emotions. Women don’t feel bad to be the ‘other woman’ anymore as seems to be a most common thing and the ‘other woman’ is always cooler.
Stereotyping is another issue: we see the cool calm villain who can order for someone to be killed without remorse; the shy wife who obeys the husband although he is a drunkard, mistreating and cheating on her; the sex kitten and the likes. We see advertisements which sell a certain product with the image that you are not complete without it. But then again that is what advertisements are supposed to do, one can’t really find fault with them, can we?
Then there is the ever popular wrestling. Violence and more violence, they say the strong survive and they are talking about spilling blood and actually flying through the rings. Whose watching these channels religiously? Our children, of course. They watch these and are affected by them and despite the warnings all throughout the shows, they are convinced that they can do the same stunts without any prior training. After all, it’s just fighting right?
What our society needs to learn is that the media is what it is; a source of entertainment and information. People need to stop looking for role models where there is none to be found. It’s simply entertainment for you and the advertisements are simply selling a product, not the image.
When will our society come to realize this? When will our society stop believing everything they see on the media to be real? Individuality is a good thing when done right. It’s your own personality, attitude and attire that you need to acquire, not someone else’s. People need to make up their minds not to be negatively influenced by the media as this is the only solution to this perhaps.
All local research taken from http://www.planning.gov.mv
Other sources: http://www.media-awareness.ca
Aptly Named Websites
20 June 2006
Article 12.
“No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.”
This is how the story goes… Aisha has seen Ahmed a lot but has never really gotten to know him but one day the opportunity presented itself and they got to know each other and went out on a date as well. As most people do these days, they immediately exchanged emails and started chatting online. It’s on one of these occasions that Aisha put a picture of herself on her DP and Ahmed wanted to see the whole picture as the DP only showed only part of it. Since Aisha had already gotten to know him a bit by then and he seemed nice enough, she did not think twice about sending it to him as a file. Big mistake.
The very next day, it became clear while chatting that Ahmed was only interested in Aisha because he had thought she would be an easy catch and since she had refused his advances towards sex he was no longer interested in her. His calls become rare
and he starts becoming very busy all of a sudden and so Aisha decides to end it right there. After all, there is no shortage of jerks in Male. However, for some reason, he gets offended when Aisha breaks up with him.
Three weeks later, Aisha finds her picture on one of the most notorious and aptly named online forums in Male’ (the name which translated into English means “a great big nuisance”, but that’s putting it mildly), with a caption proclaiming that she was easily and readily available for whoever wanted her for whatever they wanted. Along with the caption they had also posted her email address and mobile number as well. Not surprisingly she starts getting calls from strange men and people start adding her to their MSN contacts so much she has to eventually change her number and email. Sounds familiar? If not, then you must have been living under a rock.
Unfortunately, this is not a rare case; there are many victims of these photo abusers and the number increases daily. Worse, there doesn’t seem to be anything anyone can do about it. Many a boyfriend has tried to crash or hack such sites when their significant other’s picture appears there and somehow, these websites always keep coming back.
It seems that people actually want these sites up and running. Why? For their own sick twisted pleasure? Who knows, but the point is when you look at the number of hits and members the forum gets, the numbers speak for themselves. Some who defend such sites claim that if the girls whose pictures end up on the forum are shameless enough to be photographed naked or doing sexual deeds, then they have no right to be angry about it. The logic and morality of that argument can become a never ending argument but the fact remains that it is not only those who have chosen to take nude pictures of themselves or even ‘hotter’ photographs that end up on the forum. You could be out walking on the road on your way to school when some of the so-called ‘photographers’ for the site takes your picture and uploads it.
You could be eating at a restaurant, feeding a baby, just out strolling or out on a balcony. In fact, it doesn’t matter what you are doing, as long as you are out of the privacy of your own house or room then you are a potential target. And even if you are at home or in another place you consider to be safe, the real truth is that you can never be safe because with the invention of mobile phones and super tiny 5 Megapixel cameras that can take high definition pictures, sometimes even in extremely poor light, the digital Peeping Toms could be watching you anywhere. It’s not just your MSN Display Pic that can be stolen.
Why isn’t there a law to protect the victims in such cases? Should they simply fume about and just try to let it go because there is obviously nothing they can do about it? However, the amount of damage, psychological as well as social, this can do to a person is also something one has to take into consideration. Fathun, whose picture was on a forum such as this says that she could not sleep for several nights just thinking about the amount of people who would visit these sites and look at her picture. She got so many unknown calls from strangers asking for disgusting sexual favours and saying rude stuff that she decided to change her
SIM.
“I just wanted to do something about it, but there was nothing I could do. No one could help me although most people knew who runs the forum and who had put up the picture,” she says. An official of the Maldives Police Services commented that they did not get a lot of complaints regarding stolen photos being uploaded on websites. And on the few occasions that complaints are filed they do investigate the matter and try to bring the perpetrators to justice. He also said that just because someone’s picture was posted on the internet didn’t mean they would investigate it. It was only when a complaint was filed that they took action. He noted that even very recently such a case had been investigated and the perpetrator had been captured and the case sent to the Attorney Generals’ office. So from such comments it is evident that most of the general public is not aware that help was at hand. Exposure of such cases in the media can be invaluable bringing it to the public’s attention and giving those who run such websites a cause for concern.
Privacy is obviously something these perverts and voyeurs have never heard of. This invasion of privacy is something that cannot be tolerated. The amount of degrading comments left on such sites are disturbing to say the least and gives a clear idea what sort of people frequent such sites.
The issue is not about a single picture or a single person. It is bigger than that. If even the Police treats the issue as an individual case and investigates only the complaint in question then there is no hope of putting a stop to it. Of course, since we are talking about the internet, there is no way that anyone can censor what is being posted there. But if we were to treat such behaviour as cases of sexual harassment and prosecute those who commit such crimes under the law and also run awareness programs such as those being already shown on TV and are heard on the radio then we could very well be taking a positive step towards stopping such behaviour in our society.
The Right to Privacy is a fundamental human right recognized in the UN Declaration of Human Rights, the International Convenant on Civil and Political Rights and in many other international and regional treaties. So how come our rights are being trampled upon and there are no protests about this? Certainly this falls under these rights as such websites and forums are definitely endorsing sexual harassment by attacking a person’s honour and reputation as well as their right to privacy.
 |
Article 12.
“No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.”
This is how the story goes… Aisha has seen Ahmed a lot but has never really gotten to know him but one day the opportunity presented itself and they got to know each other and went out on a date as well. As most people do these days, they immediately exchanged emails and started chatting online. It’s on one of these occasions that Aisha put a picture of herself on her DP and Ahmed wanted to see the whole picture as the DP only showed only part of it. Since Aisha had already gotten to know him a bit by then and he seemed nice enough, she did not think twice about sending it to him as a file. Big mistake.
The very next day, it became clear while chatting that Ahmed was only interested in Aisha because he had thought she would be an easy catch and since she had refused his advances towards sex he was no longer interested in her. His calls become rare
and he starts becoming very busy all of a sudden and so Aisha decides to end it right there. After all, there is no shortage of jerks in Male. However, for some reason, he gets offended when Aisha breaks up with him.
Three weeks later, Aisha finds her picture on one of the most notorious and aptly named online forums in Male’ (the name which translated into English means “a great big nuisance”, but that’s putting it mildly), with a caption proclaiming that she was easily and readily available for whoever wanted her for whatever they wanted. Along with the caption they had also posted her email address and mobile number as well. Not surprisingly she starts getting calls from strange men and people start adding her to their MSN contacts so much she has to eventually change her number and email. Sounds familiar? If not, then you must have been living under a rock.
Unfortunately, this is not a rare case; there are many victims of these photo abusers and the number increases daily. Worse, there doesn’t seem to be anything anyone can do about it. Many a boyfriend has tried to crash or hack such sites when their significant other’s picture appears there and somehow, these websites always keep coming back.
It seems that people actually want these sites up and running. Why? For their own sick twisted pleasure? Who knows, but the point is when you look at the number of hits and members the forum gets, the numbers speak for themselves. Some who defend such sites claim that if the girls whose pictures end up on the forum are shameless enough to be photographed naked or doing sexual deeds, then they have no right to be angry about it. The logic and morality of that argument can become a never ending argument but the fact remains that it is not only those who have chosen to take nude pictures of themselves or even ‘hotter’ photographs that end up on the forum. You could be out walking on the road on your way to school when some of the so-called ‘photographers’ for the site takes your picture and uploads it.
You could be eating at a restaurant, feeding a baby, just out strolling or out on a balcony. In fact, it doesn’t matter what you are doing, as long as you are out of the privacy of your own house or room then you are a potential target. And even if you are at home or in another place you consider to be safe, the real truth is that you can never be safe because with the invention of mobile phones and super tiny 5 Megapixel cameras that can take high definition pictures, sometimes even in extremely poor light, the digital Peeping Toms could be watching you anywhere. It’s not just your MSN Display Pic that can be stolen.
Why isn’t there a law to protect the victims in such cases? Should they simply fume about and just try to let it go because there is obviously nothing they can do about it? However, the amount of damage, psychological as well as social, this can do to a person is also something one has to take into consideration. Fathun, whose picture was on a forum such as this says that she could not sleep for several nights just thinking about the amount of people who would visit these sites and look at her picture. She got so many unknown calls from strangers asking for disgusting sexual favours and saying rude stuff that she decided to change her
SIM.
“I just wanted to do something about it, but there was nothing I could do. No one could help me although most people knew who runs the forum and who had put up the picture,” she says. An official of the Maldives Police Services commented that they did not get a lot of complaints regarding stolen photos being uploaded on websites. And on the few occasions that complaints are filed they do investigate the matter and try to bring the perpetrators to justice. He also said that just because someone’s picture was posted on the internet didn’t mean they would investigate it. It was only when a complaint was filed that they took action. He noted that even very recently such a case had been investigated and the perpetrator had been captured and the case sent to the Attorney Generals’ office. So from such comments it is evident that most of the general public is not aware that help was at hand. Exposure of such cases in the media can be invaluable bringing it to the public’s attention and giving those who run such websites a cause for concern.
Privacy is obviously something these perverts and voyeurs have never heard of. This invasion of privacy is something that cannot be tolerated. The amount of degrading comments left on such sites are disturbing to say the least and gives a clear idea what sort of people frequent such sites.
The issue is not about a single picture or a single person. It is bigger than that. If even the Police treats the issue as an individual case and investigates only the complaint in question then there is no hope of putting a stop to it. Of course, since we are talking about the internet, there is no way that anyone can censor what is being posted there. But if we were to treat such behaviour as cases of sexual harassment and prosecute those who commit such crimes under the law and also run awareness programs such as those being already shown on TV and are heard on the radio then we could very well be taking a positive step towards stopping such behaviour in our society.
The Right to Privacy is a fundamental human right recognized in the UN Declaration of Human Rights, the International Convenant on Civil and Political Rights and in many other international and regional treaties. So how come our rights are being trampled upon and there are no protests about this? Certainly this falls under these rights as such websites and forums are definitely endorsing sexual harassment by attacking a person’s honour and reputation as well as their right to privacy.
Sex & Adolescents
27 June 2006
Recent research shows that today’s Maldivian youth, although sexually active before marriage, are not very well informed of the consequences and the dangers of this sort of lifestyle.
The media and other sources like Internet and magazines seem to be promoting sex as a lifestyle in Western culture. Our generation is easily influenced by such and is in need of a reliable source to consult regarding such matters and to help them make a better decision. As a growing problem, we need to face this reality and think of solutions to ensure that adolescents can safely transcend into adulthood better informed on sexual and reproductive health...
Maldives being a 100% Muslim country, sex is considered taboo by the general society. It is not common for parents to teach their children about the ‘birds and the bees’ as is most common in Western Culture due to our religious beliefs. Abstinence is the best way and the legal way for us, although this does not seem to be practiced anymore.
While schools play a major part in a youth’s education, the lack of a sexual education class and qualified teachers for this means that they need to get help from private clinics such as SHE, which is the only non hospital based clinic from where adolescents can get high standard sexual and reproductive health services in a private and highly confidential setting. However, most youth are either not aware of this option or too shy and prefer not to get help from such sources because of the ‘image’ it carries. Most adolescents are already hiding their sexually active lives from their elders and parents at the young ages of 13 and 14.
Take for example the case of Aisha. She had sex for the first time at the age of 14 when her boyfriend, who was 17 at the time, forced her into it. She loved him and wanted to prove her love for him at the time and did not tell anyone about it. She did not know who to turn to for help in the matter afterwards. Obviously, she had to hide the matter from her parents as they would not approve and the information she was being given by her friends did not help either. She continued to have sex throughout her relationship with him later on and was not sure how to protect herself or what she needed to protect herself from. She was even led to believe that swallowing could make her pregnant. It is not an uncommon case here in the Maldives as lack of information on the subject leads to an abundance of myths, folklore and mystery about it. Urban myths take precedence.
Unsafe sexual relations in adolescents is increasing each year, exposing them to early and unwanted pregnancies, resulting in induced abortions in hazardous conditions as most of the time this is done by under the counter drugs or other types of methods without the consultation of a qualified medical doctor. There have reportedly been some deaths due to this although this has never been established as fact. This is leading to a whole new plethora of problems which needs to be addressed urgently. Sexually transmitted diseases go unchecked till marriage sometimes.
Although schools like Aminiya School have counselors on hand for students who need them, qualified teachers are needed to tackle such a sensitive and important subject for all schools in general as obviously this is where children should be getting the reliable information that is much in demand. Students who take Science stream are at an advantage as Biology is included in this stream. This leaves the other two stream students to learn about the matter in a more religious way only, from their compulsory subject: Islamic studies. Research shows that adolescents would welcome such an education and would prefer it to be holistic in nature and also deal extensively with relationships and dating pressures. Students want more emphasis to be placed on topics such as sexual abuse, dating risks, STDs, self examination for sexual health problems and relationship related issues.
Parents also should play an important part in sexual and reproductive health education of their children and precedence should be given to focus on the parenting skills appropriate for the new information age their kids are growing up in. Perhaps special programs on TV and radio, which has the highest probability of being viewed by parents, should be sent regarding such information and making them more aware of the situation.
It is a known fact that most people do not watch Dhivehi programs on TV and consider Indian soap channels to be their favorite. So more studies needs to be done to find out what would be a more appropriate and logical solution.
“I can’t imagine my parents discussing it”.
“I wouldn’t tell my parent because I am scared to face the anger”.
“I know that my parents are very close to me and they would help, but there is no way in the world that I would discuss sexual health with them.”
Internet, romantic novels and movies appears to be the key primary sources of information among adolescents and more research needs to be done to determine ways to cope with the situation so as to come up with ways and methods that fit our cultures and religion. Adolescents need to be made aware of organizations such as SHE and FASHAN and they need to understand that there is no need to be intimidated by these places and help is just waiting for them. What is already being done is obviously not enough and there is room for a lot of improvement. Knowledge is the best way perhaps in this case. Maybe knowledge will help our adolescents make wise choices for themselves.
Youth Sexual Activity Statistics*
One in ten 9% (99/1121) of young people said they had had sexual intercourse: 14% (63/459) young men and 5% (34/653) young women.
Almost two thirds (62%, 58/94) of those who had had sex said their first sexual intercourse was before the age of 18 years.
When asked how often they used condoms in the last year when having sex, 4% (4/94) of those who said they had had sex said they do not know what a condom was.
Some 45% (42/94) said they never used a condom, while one in ten (12%, 11/94) said they always used condoms during sexual intercourse.
Of those who were sexually active and used condoms, nearly half (20/49) said they used them to avoid pregnancy and a few (9/49) used them to avoid STIs and HIV/AIDS.
One in four (12/49) said they used condoms because they wanted to and some (8/49) said they used them because their partner wanted them to.
Young people were asked why they did not use condoms.
Of those who were sexually active, one in ten (5/59) said they did not know what a condom was.
The most common answer was dislike of using condoms (23/59). A smaller number (10/59) said their partner did not like to use condoms.
Some (8/59) said it was difficult to get condoms.
Of those who were sexually active and used condoms, nearly half (21/48) said they got them from a pharmacy.
Some (14/48) got their condoms from friends, and a few (10/48) said their partner got the condoms.
A few (3/48) unmarried young people said they got condoms from health service providers.
Of young respondents who were sexually active and used condoms, nearly half (24/57) said it was easy to get condoms, a quarter (15/57) said it was somewhat difficult and some (8/57) said it was very difficult.
Others (10/57) said their partner got the condoms.
In the focus groups of unmarried youth, some participants raised the issue about the price of condoms and the difficulty of getting them.
Over half the opinion leaders interviewed in the islands (35/60) agreed that unmarried youth were sexually active on their islands.
*Source:
www.unfpa.org.mv
Recent research shows that today’s Maldivian youth, although sexually active before marriage, are not very well informed of the consequences and the dangers of this sort of lifestyle.
The media and other sources like Internet and magazines seem to be promoting sex as a lifestyle in Western culture. Our generation is easily influenced by such and is in need of a reliable source to consult regarding such matters and to help them make a better decision. As a growing problem, we need to face this reality and think of solutions to ensure that adolescents can safely transcend into adulthood better informed on sexual and reproductive health...
Maldives being a 100% Muslim country, sex is considered taboo by the general society. It is not common for parents to teach their children about the ‘birds and the bees’ as is most common in Western Culture due to our religious beliefs. Abstinence is the best way and the legal way for us, although this does not seem to be practiced anymore.
While schools play a major part in a youth’s education, the lack of a sexual education class and qualified teachers for this means that they need to get help from private clinics such as SHE, which is the only non hospital based clinic from where adolescents can get high standard sexual and reproductive health services in a private and highly confidential setting. However, most youth are either not aware of this option or too shy and prefer not to get help from such sources because of the ‘image’ it carries. Most adolescents are already hiding their sexually active lives from their elders and parents at the young ages of 13 and 14.
Take for example the case of Aisha. She had sex for the first time at the age of 14 when her boyfriend, who was 17 at the time, forced her into it. She loved him and wanted to prove her love for him at the time and did not tell anyone about it. She did not know who to turn to for help in the matter afterwards. Obviously, she had to hide the matter from her parents as they would not approve and the information she was being given by her friends did not help either. She continued to have sex throughout her relationship with him later on and was not sure how to protect herself or what she needed to protect herself from. She was even led to believe that swallowing could make her pregnant. It is not an uncommon case here in the Maldives as lack of information on the subject leads to an abundance of myths, folklore and mystery about it. Urban myths take precedence.
Unsafe sexual relations in adolescents is increasing each year, exposing them to early and unwanted pregnancies, resulting in induced abortions in hazardous conditions as most of the time this is done by under the counter drugs or other types of methods without the consultation of a qualified medical doctor. There have reportedly been some deaths due to this although this has never been established as fact. This is leading to a whole new plethora of problems which needs to be addressed urgently. Sexually transmitted diseases go unchecked till marriage sometimes.
Although schools like Aminiya School have counselors on hand for students who need them, qualified teachers are needed to tackle such a sensitive and important subject for all schools in general as obviously this is where children should be getting the reliable information that is much in demand. Students who take Science stream are at an advantage as Biology is included in this stream. This leaves the other two stream students to learn about the matter in a more religious way only, from their compulsory subject: Islamic studies. Research shows that adolescents would welcome such an education and would prefer it to be holistic in nature and also deal extensively with relationships and dating pressures. Students want more emphasis to be placed on topics such as sexual abuse, dating risks, STDs, self examination for sexual health problems and relationship related issues.
Parents also should play an important part in sexual and reproductive health education of their children and precedence should be given to focus on the parenting skills appropriate for the new information age their kids are growing up in. Perhaps special programs on TV and radio, which has the highest probability of being viewed by parents, should be sent regarding such information and making them more aware of the situation.
It is a known fact that most people do not watch Dhivehi programs on TV and consider Indian soap channels to be their favorite. So more studies needs to be done to find out what would be a more appropriate and logical solution.
“I can’t imagine my parents discussing it”.
“I wouldn’t tell my parent because I am scared to face the anger”.
“I know that my parents are very close to me and they would help, but there is no way in the world that I would discuss sexual health with them.”
Internet, romantic novels and movies appears to be the key primary sources of information among adolescents and more research needs to be done to determine ways to cope with the situation so as to come up with ways and methods that fit our cultures and religion. Adolescents need to be made aware of organizations such as SHE and FASHAN and they need to understand that there is no need to be intimidated by these places and help is just waiting for them. What is already being done is obviously not enough and there is room for a lot of improvement. Knowledge is the best way perhaps in this case. Maybe knowledge will help our adolescents make wise choices for themselves.
One in ten 9% (99/1121) of young people said they had had sexual intercourse: 14% (63/459) young men and 5% (34/653) young women.
Almost two thirds (62%, 58/94) of those who had had sex said their first sexual intercourse was before the age of 18 years.
When asked how often they used condoms in the last year when having sex, 4% (4/94) of those who said they had had sex said they do not know what a condom was.
Some 45% (42/94) said they never used a condom, while one in ten (12%, 11/94) said they always used condoms during sexual intercourse.
Of those who were sexually active and used condoms, nearly half (20/49) said they used them to avoid pregnancy and a few (9/49) used them to avoid STIs and HIV/AIDS.
One in four (12/49) said they used condoms because they wanted to and some (8/49) said they used them because their partner wanted them to.
Young people were asked why they did not use condoms.
Of those who were sexually active, one in ten (5/59) said they did not know what a condom was.
The most common answer was dislike of using condoms (23/59). A smaller number (10/59) said their partner did not like to use condoms.
Some (8/59) said it was difficult to get condoms.
Of those who were sexually active and used condoms, nearly half (21/48) said they got them from a pharmacy.
Some (14/48) got their condoms from friends, and a few (10/48) said their partner got the condoms.
A few (3/48) unmarried young people said they got condoms from health service providers.
Of young respondents who were sexually active and used condoms, nearly half (24/57) said it was easy to get condoms, a quarter (15/57) said it was somewhat difficult and some (8/57) said it was very difficult.
Others (10/57) said their partner got the condoms.
In the focus groups of unmarried youth, some participants raised the issue about the price of condoms and the difficulty of getting them.
Over half the opinion leaders interviewed in the islands (35/60) agreed that unmarried youth were sexually active on their islands.
*Source:
www.unfpa.org.mv
Mean Streets & Meaner Work Places
Sexual Harassment on the streets of Male and public and government workplaces have reached an alarming high level. How far will it be allowed to go?
Harassment is so common in the Maldives it has become a way of life for some women. A recent survey reveals the extremes of harassment levels in the Maldives. One can safely say that every single woman in the country must have had to suffer some type of harassment throughout their lives.
It can happen at any age from 8 to 50 year olds. What is most disturbing though is women suffer this and do nothing about it. With no consequences for this type of behavior, it is most obviously on the rise. Maybe it’s time women realized that they do not have to suffer. It is not normal for strange men to abuse you in any way, verbal or physical, and there should be consequences for this type of behavior. No more shying away from confrontations from such offenders. Women definitely have the power to do something about this and let people know that this is not tolerated anymore.
Sexual Harassment 101
To avoid it and stay safe, one needs to learn what it is first. Sexual harassment is any unwanted and unwelcome behavior, or attention, of a sexual nature that interferes with your life. Sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, making suggestive or demeaning comments; displaying sexual objects or pictures; telling dirty jokes; or touching, patting, or pinching and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature which is offensive all constitute to sexual harassment. The behavior may be direct or implied.
The most common type of harassment happens on the roads and in public places in the Maldives. Women walking alone are the main targets. Sometimes it amounts to sexual assault some victims can be physically hurt when a man rushes past and grabs at their breasts or pinch their bodies.
“Sometimes it is difficult to walk two blocks without someone either grabbing your behind or coming at you to get a feel of your chest. It is not possible to always tag your husband or boyfriend wherever you go. It’s like an open invitation to some men who roam the roads when you walk alone. I have confronted and sometimes had to hurt these men who grab me and given them a piece of my mind. Walking around with a scowl on your face that makes you look as menacing as possible has worked for me most of the time, but not always .” says Maria, a 25 year old who has to walk to office alone everyday as her husband works at the airport.
Some men try to justify this by saying that it is a woman’s fault for being so scantily clad. There were several such replies, almost all of them from males, to an article on Haveeru website regarding the issue. However, this is clearly not true as women decently dressed women and even women wearing the burka get harassed just as much as women who are scantily clad. Such claims are just plain ridiculous.
Men do not differentiate and any woman who walks alone and looks vulnerable are potential victims. Most of the time, women are led to believe that they deserve to be harassed. No one deserves to be harassed and if it is a recurring thing you need to address the issue and take steps to stop it immediately. Psychologists and social workers report that severe and chronic sexual harassment has the same psychological effects on victims as rape or sexual assault.
In India, eve teasing, which is the Indian term for street harassment, has led to many suicides in some parts and they have had to deal with this by sending out the police to catch these perpetrators and bring them to justice. Most of the time harassment leads to sexual assault. It is a serious issue and not one to be taken lightly.
With out growing women workforce, women also need to be aware of sexual harassment in the work place. It is any unwelcome sexual advance or conducts from either your boss or office mates that can make the workplace intimidating or hostile; an employer who requires you to perform a sexual activity in order to keep your job or to receive a promotion.
Below are some forms of harassment that might occur in workplaces.
Whistling or lewd gestures;
Deliberate bumping or leaning against;
Comments about your body;
Sexual notes, phone mail messages, graffiti, or gossip about you;
Inappropriate touching or grabbing of clothing;
Demands for dates or sexual acts, and/or threats if you do not comply with the demands;
Harassment through the Internet or phone system;
Sending or leaving you pornographic material; and
Exposure or cornering.
Since this is a matter that differs for each person, it is hard to pinpoint exactly how this might happen for a specific person. Sometimes people hesitate as they are faced with difficulty accepting and understanding that the harassment is occurring. Most victims do not even report this or talk about it to anyone as they might experience isolation from friends and family or people around them as they might not be able to grasp the victim’s feelings. Most people suffer and try to move on, however hard it is. Sometimes people quit their jobs to end such harassment or take different routes to avoid such situations. Perhaps a self defense class or basics of self defense is something women need to be taught. Perhaps this could also remedy the situation somewhat as women shall be more able to deal with such confrontations this way.
“Many specific factors can underlie the uncertainty in identifying, and accepting, what a sexual harassment victim has been experiencing. You may be struggling with:
• Confusion --you don't know how to describe to yourself what has been happening
•Embarrassment -- you may feel embarrassed by the experience
• Victim-blaming -- Others may be blaming you for what has happened, and the
"victim" may now have become the "accused." As in the case of sexual assault and rape, the dress, lifestyle and private life of the victim seem to become more
important than the behavior being investigated.
• Guilt -- you may feel guilt over what has happened, or be blaming yourself.
• Shame -- you feel ashamed of what has been happening; you may not want to
accept the idea that you are a victim, or feel you should be able to stop the
harassment
• Denial – you don't want to believe that this is real; those around you may not want to believe this, either.
• Minimizing – you tell yourself it's "not that big a deal," I'm being overly sensitive" or "I'm being a prude." You may be hearing this from others.
• Fear – you are afraid of retaliation by your harassers or harasser's colleagues, your
coworkers, or people further-up in the hierarchy at work or school. You may fear
being isolated or ostracized by people at work or school. You may be afraid you will get the harasser in trouble when all you want is the behavior to stop.
• Adaptation -- the abuse may have been going on for a long time, and the targets
may feel that nothing can be done. Or, you have been told throughout your life that you should expect to be treated this way, and to "deal with it" silently.
• Numbing -- You want to distance yourself emotionally from the experience; you may also avoid people and places that remind you of these painful events.
• Triggers -- you may feel that talking about what happened causes too much pain
and/or anxiety, or what is happening in the present could be triggering past
experiences with assault or abuse.
• Invalidation -- you feel that no one will believe you if you were to report what is happening.
• Defamation -- your motives or character may be under attack, with people saying
things to discredit you.”
Source: http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/
Sexual harassment needs to be dealt with soon, and more urgently if it is a recurring thing. Most victims think that given time, it will stop. However, in most cases it continues. To make it stop, you need to get the message across to the harasser that their attention is unwanted, or have someone that is trusted, do this for you. If it is happening at the work place, you need to talk to your Human Resources office and figure it out or talk to your employer about it. Whichever way you choose to deal with harassment, be firm and direct with it.
• Tell the harasser what they have done--name the behavior. Be specific, straightforward, and blunt.
• Demand that the harassment stop.
• Don't make excuses for the harasser--hold them accountable. Do not pretend nothing has happened.
• Make it clear that everyone has the right to be free from sexual harassment. Objecting to harassment is a matter of principle.
• Stand your ground and stick to your own agenda. Don't respond to the harasser's excuses or diversionary tactics. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by others into backing down.
• Remember, the harasser's behavior is the issue--not your behavior.
• Reinforce your statements with strong, self-respecting body language: eye contact, head up, shoulders back, a strong, serious stance. Don't smile. Timid, submissive body language will undermine your message. If the harassment continues, repeat yourself if you have to.
• Respond at the appropriate level. If the harassment was physical, combine your verbal response with a physical one (i.e. grasp their arm firmly while saying "No!")
• Talk about the harassment to others. Staying silent protects harassers.
• Maldivian women need to learn to face these harassers and confront them. Otherwise this situation will just continue to get worse. The more women ignore this means the more it will keep happening. The perpetrators goes onto sexually harass more victims if he is not challenged by anyone.
• Although Maldives does not have specific laws regarding this yet, we are badly in need of such a law to control this situation. However, if the sexual harassment is in any way interfering with your ability to live a normal life, you need to make a formal complaint to the concerned authorities.
NOTE: Although this article deals with sexual harassment of women by men, note that it happens the other way around too.
Harassment is so common in the Maldives it has become a way of life for some women. A recent survey reveals the extremes of harassment levels in the Maldives. One can safely say that every single woman in the country must have had to suffer some type of harassment throughout their lives.
It can happen at any age from 8 to 50 year olds. What is most disturbing though is women suffer this and do nothing about it. With no consequences for this type of behavior, it is most obviously on the rise. Maybe it’s time women realized that they do not have to suffer. It is not normal for strange men to abuse you in any way, verbal or physical, and there should be consequences for this type of behavior. No more shying away from confrontations from such offenders. Women definitely have the power to do something about this and let people know that this is not tolerated anymore.
Sexual Harassment 101
To avoid it and stay safe, one needs to learn what it is first. Sexual harassment is any unwanted and unwelcome behavior, or attention, of a sexual nature that interferes with your life. Sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, making suggestive or demeaning comments; displaying sexual objects or pictures; telling dirty jokes; or touching, patting, or pinching and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature which is offensive all constitute to sexual harassment. The behavior may be direct or implied.
The most common type of harassment happens on the roads and in public places in the Maldives. Women walking alone are the main targets. Sometimes it amounts to sexual assault some victims can be physically hurt when a man rushes past and grabs at their breasts or pinch their bodies.
“Sometimes it is difficult to walk two blocks without someone either grabbing your behind or coming at you to get a feel of your chest. It is not possible to always tag your husband or boyfriend wherever you go. It’s like an open invitation to some men who roam the roads when you walk alone. I have confronted and sometimes had to hurt these men who grab me and given them a piece of my mind. Walking around with a scowl on your face that makes you look as menacing as possible has worked for me most of the time, but not always .” says Maria, a 25 year old who has to walk to office alone everyday as her husband works at the airport.
Some men try to justify this by saying that it is a woman’s fault for being so scantily clad. There were several such replies, almost all of them from males, to an article on Haveeru website regarding the issue. However, this is clearly not true as women decently dressed women and even women wearing the burka get harassed just as much as women who are scantily clad. Such claims are just plain ridiculous.
Men do not differentiate and any woman who walks alone and looks vulnerable are potential victims. Most of the time, women are led to believe that they deserve to be harassed. No one deserves to be harassed and if it is a recurring thing you need to address the issue and take steps to stop it immediately. Psychologists and social workers report that severe and chronic sexual harassment has the same psychological effects on victims as rape or sexual assault.
In India, eve teasing, which is the Indian term for street harassment, has led to many suicides in some parts and they have had to deal with this by sending out the police to catch these perpetrators and bring them to justice. Most of the time harassment leads to sexual assault. It is a serious issue and not one to be taken lightly.
With out growing women workforce, women also need to be aware of sexual harassment in the work place. It is any unwelcome sexual advance or conducts from either your boss or office mates that can make the workplace intimidating or hostile; an employer who requires you to perform a sexual activity in order to keep your job or to receive a promotion.
Below are some forms of harassment that might occur in workplaces.
Whistling or lewd gestures;
Deliberate bumping or leaning against;
Comments about your body;
Sexual notes, phone mail messages, graffiti, or gossip about you;
Inappropriate touching or grabbing of clothing;
Demands for dates or sexual acts, and/or threats if you do not comply with the demands;
Harassment through the Internet or phone system;
Sending or leaving you pornographic material; and
Exposure or cornering.
Since this is a matter that differs for each person, it is hard to pinpoint exactly how this might happen for a specific person. Sometimes people hesitate as they are faced with difficulty accepting and understanding that the harassment is occurring. Most victims do not even report this or talk about it to anyone as they might experience isolation from friends and family or people around them as they might not be able to grasp the victim’s feelings. Most people suffer and try to move on, however hard it is. Sometimes people quit their jobs to end such harassment or take different routes to avoid such situations. Perhaps a self defense class or basics of self defense is something women need to be taught. Perhaps this could also remedy the situation somewhat as women shall be more able to deal with such confrontations this way.
“Many specific factors can underlie the uncertainty in identifying, and accepting, what a sexual harassment victim has been experiencing. You may be struggling with:
• Confusion --you don't know how to describe to yourself what has been happening
•Embarrassment -- you may feel embarrassed by the experience
• Victim-blaming -- Others may be blaming you for what has happened, and the
"victim" may now have become the "accused." As in the case of sexual assault and rape, the dress, lifestyle and private life of the victim seem to become more
important than the behavior being investigated.
• Guilt -- you may feel guilt over what has happened, or be blaming yourself.
• Shame -- you feel ashamed of what has been happening; you may not want to
accept the idea that you are a victim, or feel you should be able to stop the
harassment
• Denial – you don't want to believe that this is real; those around you may not want to believe this, either.
• Minimizing – you tell yourself it's "not that big a deal," I'm being overly sensitive" or "I'm being a prude." You may be hearing this from others.
• Fear – you are afraid of retaliation by your harassers or harasser's colleagues, your
coworkers, or people further-up in the hierarchy at work or school. You may fear
being isolated or ostracized by people at work or school. You may be afraid you will get the harasser in trouble when all you want is the behavior to stop.
• Adaptation -- the abuse may have been going on for a long time, and the targets
may feel that nothing can be done. Or, you have been told throughout your life that you should expect to be treated this way, and to "deal with it" silently.
• Numbing -- You want to distance yourself emotionally from the experience; you may also avoid people and places that remind you of these painful events.
• Triggers -- you may feel that talking about what happened causes too much pain
and/or anxiety, or what is happening in the present could be triggering past
experiences with assault or abuse.
• Invalidation -- you feel that no one will believe you if you were to report what is happening.
• Defamation -- your motives or character may be under attack, with people saying
things to discredit you.”
Source: http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/
Sexual harassment needs to be dealt with soon, and more urgently if it is a recurring thing. Most victims think that given time, it will stop. However, in most cases it continues. To make it stop, you need to get the message across to the harasser that their attention is unwanted, or have someone that is trusted, do this for you. If it is happening at the work place, you need to talk to your Human Resources office and figure it out or talk to your employer about it. Whichever way you choose to deal with harassment, be firm and direct with it.
• Tell the harasser what they have done--name the behavior. Be specific, straightforward, and blunt.
• Demand that the harassment stop.
• Don't make excuses for the harasser--hold them accountable. Do not pretend nothing has happened.
• Make it clear that everyone has the right to be free from sexual harassment. Objecting to harassment is a matter of principle.
• Stand your ground and stick to your own agenda. Don't respond to the harasser's excuses or diversionary tactics. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by others into backing down.
• Remember, the harasser's behavior is the issue--not your behavior.
• Reinforce your statements with strong, self-respecting body language: eye contact, head up, shoulders back, a strong, serious stance. Don't smile. Timid, submissive body language will undermine your message. If the harassment continues, repeat yourself if you have to.
• Respond at the appropriate level. If the harassment was physical, combine your verbal response with a physical one (i.e. grasp their arm firmly while saying "No!")
• Talk about the harassment to others. Staying silent protects harassers.
• Maldivian women need to learn to face these harassers and confront them. Otherwise this situation will just continue to get worse. The more women ignore this means the more it will keep happening. The perpetrators goes onto sexually harass more victims if he is not challenged by anyone.
• Although Maldives does not have specific laws regarding this yet, we are badly in need of such a law to control this situation. However, if the sexual harassment is in any way interfering with your ability to live a normal life, you need to make a formal complaint to the concerned authorities.
NOTE: Although this article deals with sexual harassment of women by men, note that it happens the other way around too.
10 Simple Ways To Have a Good Night’s Sleep & Wake Up Refreshed
Everyone has those mornings when the alarm goes off and you wake up and think, “A couple of more minutes of sleep and then I will hit the shower,” and then go to sleep only to wake up too late. Well here’s 10 ways that has always worked for me that might also help you.
“The best medicine for the body is sleep. During the nightly process of sleep, healing chemicals are released in the body, and have restorative effects on all the organs.
Deep sleep produces the most appearance altering benefits. Even the deep sleep from a nap has the same healing ability.
Sleep has many benefits. It improves the texture and condition of the skin. It also helps to prevent the production of harmful stress chemicals. Sleep increases health and creativity. It strengthens the human body and mind. Sleep also boosts energy and brainpower.
Sleep activates the immune system which fights illness and helps to keep the human body disease free. Sleep also slows down the aging process, and helps us to live longer and healthier lives. Sleep increases physical health, as well as mental and emotional health. Sleep improves our ability to positively deal with physical, mental and emotional tasks.” -Danielle Barone ,BellaOnline’s Family Health Editor
Your parents are always saying this but it cannot be said enough: GO TO BED EARLY! This really is true and you would be more alert and more awake this way as your body would be well rested. Keep your curtains only half closed when you go to bed. This way, when the sun comes up and the light enters your room ever so gently, you will be able to wake up naturally.
Make a mental note to wake up at a certain time and you may be surprised to find that you wake up around that time. This might sound crazy but this actually works for some reason. Turns out that your internal body clock is the best alarm that money can’t buy.
Do not keep alarms that annoy you. This will only make you want to go right back to sleep. Instead, keep something that would wake you, but you enjoy. Putting your mobile alarm on with some sort of song that you love is always a good way to brighten up your morning.
Set two alarms. One that gives you enough time to wake up and the second giving you just enough time to get ready. The second alarm is there for nights when you have a hard time sleeping for any reason.
Keep some water near your bed always and make sure to drink water and keep yourself hydrated.
Never have dinner before you sleep. Take it about an hour or two early. Eating a big meal just before sleeping is not a good thing as your body would probably be too tired anyways after a meal. However, never try to sleep on an empty stomach as this would never work. Eat and keep your self content.
Make your bedroom strictly a sleeping place. Meaning no TV’s and the likes. This will only be distractions and if you start going to sleep with the TV on it would not let you get a restful sleep and lead you to sometimes actually watching it instead of sleeping to it.
If you have a hard time falling asleep, drink some milk. Milk contains chemicals that naturally relax the body.
And finally, when the alarm goes off, try to stand up immediately. Always works!
Remember, these are just some tips for helping you sleep and wake up refreshed. Your body and mind needs to be able to relax to sleep. If you have a really hard time falling asleep due to stress or worries, it is always good to either talk to someone about it or write it down in a journal.
Having a relaxing routine before sleep is also a very nice way to fall asleep like giving your feet a massage with some lotion. This also relaxes your feet as well as makes you relax. However, if you are still having too much trouble sleeping and tend to be insomniac, get medical help.
“The best medicine for the body is sleep. During the nightly process of sleep, healing chemicals are released in the body, and have restorative effects on all the organs.
Deep sleep produces the most appearance altering benefits. Even the deep sleep from a nap has the same healing ability.
Sleep has many benefits. It improves the texture and condition of the skin. It also helps to prevent the production of harmful stress chemicals. Sleep increases health and creativity. It strengthens the human body and mind. Sleep also boosts energy and brainpower.
Sleep activates the immune system which fights illness and helps to keep the human body disease free. Sleep also slows down the aging process, and helps us to live longer and healthier lives. Sleep increases physical health, as well as mental and emotional health. Sleep improves our ability to positively deal with physical, mental and emotional tasks.” -Danielle Barone ,BellaOnline’s Family Health Editor
Your parents are always saying this but it cannot be said enough: GO TO BED EARLY! This really is true and you would be more alert and more awake this way as your body would be well rested. Keep your curtains only half closed when you go to bed. This way, when the sun comes up and the light enters your room ever so gently, you will be able to wake up naturally.
Make a mental note to wake up at a certain time and you may be surprised to find that you wake up around that time. This might sound crazy but this actually works for some reason. Turns out that your internal body clock is the best alarm that money can’t buy.
Do not keep alarms that annoy you. This will only make you want to go right back to sleep. Instead, keep something that would wake you, but you enjoy. Putting your mobile alarm on with some sort of song that you love is always a good way to brighten up your morning.
Set two alarms. One that gives you enough time to wake up and the second giving you just enough time to get ready. The second alarm is there for nights when you have a hard time sleeping for any reason.
Keep some water near your bed always and make sure to drink water and keep yourself hydrated.
Never have dinner before you sleep. Take it about an hour or two early. Eating a big meal just before sleeping is not a good thing as your body would probably be too tired anyways after a meal. However, never try to sleep on an empty stomach as this would never work. Eat and keep your self content.
Make your bedroom strictly a sleeping place. Meaning no TV’s and the likes. This will only be distractions and if you start going to sleep with the TV on it would not let you get a restful sleep and lead you to sometimes actually watching it instead of sleeping to it.
If you have a hard time falling asleep, drink some milk. Milk contains chemicals that naturally relax the body.
And finally, when the alarm goes off, try to stand up immediately. Always works!
Remember, these are just some tips for helping you sleep and wake up refreshed. Your body and mind needs to be able to relax to sleep. If you have a really hard time falling asleep due to stress or worries, it is always good to either talk to someone about it or write it down in a journal.
Having a relaxing routine before sleep is also a very nice way to fall asleep like giving your feet a massage with some lotion. This also relaxes your feet as well as makes you relax. However, if you are still having too much trouble sleeping and tend to be insomniac, get medical help.
Smoke Gets In Your Eyes... Nose and Lungs
06 June 2006
Setting aside a single day in the year to reflect on the dangers of tobacco is just not enough anymore.
“If the government wants to do something, why not sue the people responsible for filling every cigarette with toxins that make it so addictive and harder to quit. Essentially, they are poisoning people. If you or I so much as slipped something in our friend’s drink, and he got sick, we could get charged with a crime. This is the same thing. Poison is poison no matter how you look at it. Yes, it was my decision to start smoking, I knew the risks, but there is a reason cigarettes are more addictive today than in the past, additives. So don’t push people outside to smoke, which will probably lead to our city’s already dirty streets getting dirtier with butts. Go after the ring leaders, the tobacco companies.” - JOEY ELIAS, Freelance –Montreal Comedian and smoker on smoking law.
As a non smoker who also happens to be asthmatic, I have tried to avoided smokers as much as possible. However, this is becoming quite impossible with the growing number of smokers in the country.
The smell of cigarettes is constantly in the air and it seems almost everyone has a smoke in their hands whether they be riding a cycle or walking. Since using mobile phones while riding a vehicle is prohibited it would also make sense to prohibit people from smoking while they are driving.
There have been many occasions where a smoker on a bike would flick his cigarette while riding and the ash from the cigarette would be blown into the face of the cyclist behind him. Sometimes getting into their eyes and causing a lot of hurt. Maybe the law should go on to include cigarettes as well as this is certainly more commonly found held in people’s hands than phones.
I wonder, does the rising number of smokers mean that people are not well informed about this? But then again, you cannot buy a pack without a gazillion health warnings on it. The internet is full of information about this and anyone interested can get it at a click of a button.
However, even with all these warning and information, perhaps people just don’t want to accept the reality of the situation. Perhaps there aren’t enough awareness programs about the consequences of smoking here in the Maldives. People have just been smoking more and more and this is getting worse everyday. Maybe this is just dismissed as a harmless thing because there are so many more pressing matters like rising rates of drug abusers in the country.
To me, this is just as important. After all, this is also a form of substance abuse. In fact, nicotine is more addictive than marijuana. Why doesn’t anybody realize the need for a country wide awareness of this? An anti-tobacco day once a year just does not cut it. This is too common a problem to be marked only once a year and it does not only concern the health of the person who is smoking.
This affects everyone around them as well and this should not be taken lightly. The number of children in the Male alone who smoke has grown as I have seen children not more than thirteen years old hanging out in groups smoking, when it is clearly illegal to sell cigarettes to children. Studies show that children who smoke around the age of 11 tend to be more likely to get addicted and continue smoking throughout their lives than those who start during adulthood.
Perhaps the number of places where smokers can hang out is just too many around Male. One can even say that all outdoor restaurants are specifically built for smokers and if you are a non smoker, you should just stick to the air conditioned ones. This amazes me as I would love to hang out in an outdoor restaurant as much as the next person but this option seems unavailable to me as I would probably have an asthma attack before finishing my meal as these places can be smelt miles away. The stale smell of smoke emanates far out into the streets in front of some of these places that one needs to hold their breath while passing.
While stopping at a traffic light, vehicles fumes and dust are no longer the only thing that can bother a non smoker. The many smokers who smoke while driving will keep puffing away on their cigarettes without a concern to the many others around them. And the amount of people who just flip a burning cigarette onto the street full of pedestrians is just too common. I have been victim to a lighted cigarette thrown at me from the top of an office building once and got a slight burn on my arm from this. Some smokers are just very inconsiderate.
Some smokers actually try not to smoke around me when I tell them that it bothers me as I suffer from asthma. But some others are ignorant and do not even believe that I could actually be allergic to the smoke.
What baffles me is the amount of children that can be found in some of these smoke filled restaurants. Shouldn’t there at least be a place away from the smokers for children, as it is common knowledge that second hand smoke can actually be as dangerous, if not more, than the actual smoke.
Don’t parents mind the affects second hand smoke can do their child’s health? I for one would not want to expose my child to this slow death. But I suppose if they were to have a family outing to certain restaurants then they should tolerate it somewhat as there is no other option as all out door restaurants and almost all public places are smoking zones here in the Maldives.
A study published in June 2005 in the online journal BMC Paediatrics found that a pregnant woman’s exposure to second-hand smoke can be just as harmful to her foetus - causing permanent genetic mutations - as if the woman herself was a smoker.
A January 2005 study in the peer-reviewed journal Environmental Health Perspectives found that exposure to second-hand smoke harms children’s mental development, reducing kids’ scores on math, reading and spatial skills tests.
The CDC has advised persons with heart disease to avoid indoor settings where smoking is allowed because of scientific evidence that even short-term exposure to second-hand smoke can trigger harmful cardiovascular changes that increase the risk of heart attacks.
The evidence is overwhelming that smoke-free laws protect health without harming business. Dozens of studies and hard economic data have shown that smoke-free laws do not harm sales or employment in restaurants and bars and may even have a positive impact. Some of the strongest evidence comes from New York City, where a report found that, in the year after the city’s comprehensive smoke-free law took effect March 30, 2003, business receipts for restaurants and bars increased, employment rose, the number of liquor licenses increased.
Virtually all establishments are complying with the law, and the vast majority of New Yorkers support the law. There is also growing evidence that smoke-free laws can save money. A study released in August 2005 by the Society of Actuaries found that second-hand smoke costs $10 billion a year in health care bills, lost wages and other costs.
Big countries like the US have banned smoking in public places, workplaces in many states and in some states, even clubs as well. When are Maldivians going to realize that smoking is not in fashion anymore? It is an unhealthy and costly addiction which is injurious to others as well.
Movies and the propaganda play a big part in this as most people tend to think it is cool and there is the whole younger generation who wants to fit in and learn to blow smoke in cool ways. I was shocked to learn that there is a shop in Male dedicated to smokers. Movies showing actors suavely blowing smoke does not show him later on out of breath and coughing his lungs out. This is what should be shown to make people realize the seriousness of this.
Teenagers are led to think that smoking is a cool habit and the more you smoke, the cooler you are. There isn’t enough being done against smoking here and this problem can only get worse. Maybe what we are doing already is not enough to fight such a big nationwide problem.
Maybe there should be outdoor restaurants and places for non smokers. Perhaps there should be more awareness programs providing information about this and help lines for people who would like to quit and public places where smoking is not allowed. Certainly there are just as many non smokers as there are smokers and this would be a welcome change. I know most non-smokers would frequent places like these. Why can’t there be a single public place on this tiny island where smoking is banned? Shouldn’t we non smokers get a respite from all the smoke that is blown in our face every day in traffic and every other public place that you could be in except an air condition place or in your home? Don’t I have a right to breathe clean, smoke free air? Maybe the next demonstration or protest by the protest-happy crowd should be about the fundamental right for everyone to breathe clean uncontaminated air. That is a cause well worth fighting for.
“When smoking makes a teen less attractive to the great majority of the opposite sex, as now appears to be the case, one of the long-imagined benefits for adolescent smoking is seriously undercut.” – Lloyd Johnston, researcher.
 |
“If the government wants to do something, why not sue the people responsible for filling every cigarette with toxins that make it so addictive and harder to quit. Essentially, they are poisoning people. If you or I so much as slipped something in our friend’s drink, and he got sick, we could get charged with a crime. This is the same thing. Poison is poison no matter how you look at it. Yes, it was my decision to start smoking, I knew the risks, but there is a reason cigarettes are more addictive today than in the past, additives. So don’t push people outside to smoke, which will probably lead to our city’s already dirty streets getting dirtier with butts. Go after the ring leaders, the tobacco companies.” - JOEY ELIAS, Freelance –Montreal Comedian and smoker on smoking law.
As a non smoker who also happens to be asthmatic, I have tried to avoided smokers as much as possible. However, this is becoming quite impossible with the growing number of smokers in the country.
The smell of cigarettes is constantly in the air and it seems almost everyone has a smoke in their hands whether they be riding a cycle or walking. Since using mobile phones while riding a vehicle is prohibited it would also make sense to prohibit people from smoking while they are driving.
There have been many occasions where a smoker on a bike would flick his cigarette while riding and the ash from the cigarette would be blown into the face of the cyclist behind him. Sometimes getting into their eyes and causing a lot of hurt. Maybe the law should go on to include cigarettes as well as this is certainly more commonly found held in people’s hands than phones.
I wonder, does the rising number of smokers mean that people are not well informed about this? But then again, you cannot buy a pack without a gazillion health warnings on it. The internet is full of information about this and anyone interested can get it at a click of a button.
However, even with all these warning and information, perhaps people just don’t want to accept the reality of the situation. Perhaps there aren’t enough awareness programs about the consequences of smoking here in the Maldives. People have just been smoking more and more and this is getting worse everyday. Maybe this is just dismissed as a harmless thing because there are so many more pressing matters like rising rates of drug abusers in the country.
To me, this is just as important. After all, this is also a form of substance abuse. In fact, nicotine is more addictive than marijuana. Why doesn’t anybody realize the need for a country wide awareness of this? An anti-tobacco day once a year just does not cut it. This is too common a problem to be marked only once a year and it does not only concern the health of the person who is smoking.
This affects everyone around them as well and this should not be taken lightly. The number of children in the Male alone who smoke has grown as I have seen children not more than thirteen years old hanging out in groups smoking, when it is clearly illegal to sell cigarettes to children. Studies show that children who smoke around the age of 11 tend to be more likely to get addicted and continue smoking throughout their lives than those who start during adulthood.
Perhaps the number of places where smokers can hang out is just too many around Male. One can even say that all outdoor restaurants are specifically built for smokers and if you are a non smoker, you should just stick to the air conditioned ones. This amazes me as I would love to hang out in an outdoor restaurant as much as the next person but this option seems unavailable to me as I would probably have an asthma attack before finishing my meal as these places can be smelt miles away. The stale smell of smoke emanates far out into the streets in front of some of these places that one needs to hold their breath while passing.
While stopping at a traffic light, vehicles fumes and dust are no longer the only thing that can bother a non smoker. The many smokers who smoke while driving will keep puffing away on their cigarettes without a concern to the many others around them. And the amount of people who just flip a burning cigarette onto the street full of pedestrians is just too common. I have been victim to a lighted cigarette thrown at me from the top of an office building once and got a slight burn on my arm from this. Some smokers are just very inconsiderate.
Some smokers actually try not to smoke around me when I tell them that it bothers me as I suffer from asthma. But some others are ignorant and do not even believe that I could actually be allergic to the smoke.
What baffles me is the amount of children that can be found in some of these smoke filled restaurants. Shouldn’t there at least be a place away from the smokers for children, as it is common knowledge that second hand smoke can actually be as dangerous, if not more, than the actual smoke.
Don’t parents mind the affects second hand smoke can do their child’s health? I for one would not want to expose my child to this slow death. But I suppose if they were to have a family outing to certain restaurants then they should tolerate it somewhat as there is no other option as all out door restaurants and almost all public places are smoking zones here in the Maldives.
A study published in June 2005 in the online journal BMC Paediatrics found that a pregnant woman’s exposure to second-hand smoke can be just as harmful to her foetus - causing permanent genetic mutations - as if the woman herself was a smoker.
A January 2005 study in the peer-reviewed journal Environmental Health Perspectives found that exposure to second-hand smoke harms children’s mental development, reducing kids’ scores on math, reading and spatial skills tests.
The CDC has advised persons with heart disease to avoid indoor settings where smoking is allowed because of scientific evidence that even short-term exposure to second-hand smoke can trigger harmful cardiovascular changes that increase the risk of heart attacks.
The evidence is overwhelming that smoke-free laws protect health without harming business. Dozens of studies and hard economic data have shown that smoke-free laws do not harm sales or employment in restaurants and bars and may even have a positive impact. Some of the strongest evidence comes from New York City, where a report found that, in the year after the city’s comprehensive smoke-free law took effect March 30, 2003, business receipts for restaurants and bars increased, employment rose, the number of liquor licenses increased.
Virtually all establishments are complying with the law, and the vast majority of New Yorkers support the law. There is also growing evidence that smoke-free laws can save money. A study released in August 2005 by the Society of Actuaries found that second-hand smoke costs $10 billion a year in health care bills, lost wages and other costs.
Big countries like the US have banned smoking in public places, workplaces in many states and in some states, even clubs as well. When are Maldivians going to realize that smoking is not in fashion anymore? It is an unhealthy and costly addiction which is injurious to others as well.
Movies and the propaganda play a big part in this as most people tend to think it is cool and there is the whole younger generation who wants to fit in and learn to blow smoke in cool ways. I was shocked to learn that there is a shop in Male dedicated to smokers. Movies showing actors suavely blowing smoke does not show him later on out of breath and coughing his lungs out. This is what should be shown to make people realize the seriousness of this.
Teenagers are led to think that smoking is a cool habit and the more you smoke, the cooler you are. There isn’t enough being done against smoking here and this problem can only get worse. Maybe what we are doing already is not enough to fight such a big nationwide problem.
Maybe there should be outdoor restaurants and places for non smokers. Perhaps there should be more awareness programs providing information about this and help lines for people who would like to quit and public places where smoking is not allowed. Certainly there are just as many non smokers as there are smokers and this would be a welcome change. I know most non-smokers would frequent places like these. Why can’t there be a single public place on this tiny island where smoking is banned? Shouldn’t we non smokers get a respite from all the smoke that is blown in our face every day in traffic and every other public place that you could be in except an air condition place or in your home? Don’t I have a right to breathe clean, smoke free air? Maybe the next demonstration or protest by the protest-happy crowd should be about the fundamental right for everyone to breathe clean uncontaminated air. That is a cause well worth fighting for.
“When smoking makes a teen less attractive to the great majority of the opposite sex, as now appears to be the case, one of the long-imagined benefits for adolescent smoking is seriously undercut.” – Lloyd Johnston, researcher.
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